Small Ones, Victoria Beckham, and the Paparazzi-- All at Karen's Parents House

Karen brought Sadie and I over to her parent's house. I don't know why-- she just did.

Whatever.

Anyway, it was just a normal visit.

That is, until Karen showed me the Halloween costumes her mother made for Sadie and I.


Oh, for the love of God.

I'm a cat, for crying out loud. I don't wear a costume for Halloween. This isn't one of those issues in which I'm willing to compromise, either, like don't torture Sadie on Sundays. I have my principles, which include no cavorting around dressed like a ninny. So, no, come Wednesday night I WILL NOT be answering the door, handing out the candy to the little urchins dressed like Hannah Montana or the like.

"Oh, Penelope, you look so cute," Karen said as she dressed me, much to my mortification.

Karen will get hers. She might not know when or where, but she'll get hers.

That's bad enough, right? Well it gets worse.

Saturday afternoon other people came over to visit, bringing with them "small ones". Evil Jeff brought his small one, that woman who typically brings Toby the dog brought her small one, another lady brought her small one, who wasn't particularly small, which seemed to be an ongoing joke, and her larger small one, who has no fear of God (or me) whatsoever.

Don't get me wrong, I understand the attraction to these small ones. They are cute and smell nice, that is, unless they are vomiting or defecating on themselves. However, one day I see them and they are cute small ones who don't move around much. The next day I see them and they are quite mobile, pulling my tail, poking my eyes, and eating my food.

See my point?

Finally, I escaped to the stairwell. Typically, this is a safety zone, as most people don't want their small ones running up and down the stairs. But then came another problem:

The paparazzi.

Somehow the paparazzi joined us at this event. I didn't recall seeing Britney Spears or Victoria Beckham waltzing through the door. Perhaps they were in disguise. Whatever. But these neerdowells were in full force, predominately taking pictures of the small ones.

One of the paparazzi evidently heard I was in attendance at the party. She attempted to take my picture with a cell phone. Obviously, I don't work with the Paparazzi. Thus as she approached me I hissed at her. She then backed off a little and told Karen (And exactly what is Karen supposed to do-- does anyone think Karen can keep me from speaking my mind? Hasn't happened yet . . .), who started griping at me about being "rude".

"It wouldn't hurt you to cooperate, every once in a while."

But it would be wrong somehow, don't you think?

Anyway, that was my weekend. I'm still recovering. So I'm off to bed.

Questions for You from the Cat

I have a list of questions I'd like someone to answer:

1. Why is it "breaking news" when Britney Spears gets arrested? First of all, who cares? Second, it's not like this doesn't happen semi regularly. Thus, is it really "breaking" news?

2. Why does the news crawler on E! run so damn slow? The thing creeps at a sloth's pace to the point I can't read it.

3. Does it bother anyone else that Joel Osteen, leader of the largest "mega church" in the free world, has virtually no doctrine and skirts every hardcore question asked to him? Don't get me wrong, I can't help but like "the smiling preacher", as he puts forth such positive energy, but the emperor has no clothes. Is this an issue with anyone else?

4. Why doesn't Bruce Springsteen get nailed like the Dixie Chicks for being what some call "anti- American"? He's taken on Bush the sequel, Reagan, a plethora of conservative issues, but yet no one is threatening his life or starting boycotts. Is it the difference between audiences? Got me, but it sure is interesting . . .

5. Did you see the Senator Craig interview on Dateline? Did the wife come off a little flaky? Did you giggle when they showed the old footage of Craig calling President Clinton " . . . a bad boy - a naughty boy. . . a nasty, bad, naughty boy” on Meet the Press?

6. I'm beginning to find Matt Lauer attractive. What are your thoughts on this?

7. Am I the only one who wants to grab Paul McCartney by the shoulders and shake him while shouting, "WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING MARRYING THE ONE LEGGED CHICK WITHOUT A PRENUMP"? That is, other than his older children. . .

Those are my questions. I'm now leaving. It's time for my late evening nap.

Justice Served Not Yet

I am furious:

http://wnd.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=58033

I am a proponent of the Vienna Convention and World Law. And somebody really dropped the ball on this one.

Why wasn't this man informed that as a Mexican national, he had the right to contact the Mexican Consulate? Why didn't someone drive down to the Mexican Consulate and bring an attorney to him, whether he wanted one or not?

This is probably one of the most disturbing murder cases I've run across. Five boys (or young men), as part of a gang initiation, raped, sodomize, and strangled two girls (fourteen and fifteen) in a park in Houston in 1993. Four were sentenced to death. One was a minor and sentenced to forty years. The first execution took place last year.

This young man in question bragged to others about keeping one of the victim's Mickey Mouse watch as a souvenir.

I cannot think of a situation in which the death penalty was more appropriate. We are not talking about a situation in which DNA evidence was questionable, witnesses shady, etc. He confessed. Everyone confessed. There wasn't much point not. The group bragged about it and a relative called the authorities a few days after the fact.

I don't know what the options are at this point.

A new trial?

That's a waste of tax money. Days and days of presentations so that a jury can spend a whopping twenty seconds in a secret ballot vote, determining that this man is the poster child for execution?

Set him free?

Only if he goes back to Mexico and becomes their problem.

I hate this is happening to the families of those girls. They've been through Hell and back again, only for this to happen. Granted, I'm not a big proponent of the death penalty, but this is one of those moments in which it's hard to argue against it. Those families are the true victims in this case.

"It's not collagen-- it's silicone"

If you know anything about me, you know I despise "reality" shows, particularly "reality" shows with the sole purpose of self promotion.

I use quotation marks around the word "reality" because I question that concept. Those shows are not reality. They are contrived distortions of backbiting self-centered individuals, clawing their way to a spread in Playboy, or a date with-- I don't know, someone who values "reality" shows.

Anyway, VH-1 is the leader in the crap genre. When I discovered Rock of Love and Scott Baio is 45 . . . and Single I thought I hit rock bottom. But noooooooooooooo, it CAN get worse.

America's Most Smartest Model

First of all, this is GRAMMATICALLY INCORRECT. What self-respecting model who claims intelligence would be on a show with a blazing grammatical error in its title??? Makes no sense to me. . .

Oh, but it gets better.

First competition was a spelling bee. This girl with giant lips had to spell "collagen".

Hee Hee

And then she said, "but my lips aren't collagen-- they're silicone".

Wow.

Anyway, I'm not doubting the intelligence of any of these characters (even silicone girl), but this parade does border on the absurd.

In the living quarters, the bathrooms are pass coded and a question appears above the keypad.

Question one on the bathroom:

What year did Christopher Columbus discover America?

First of all, one learns in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL that Christopher Columbus, in 1492, discovered perhaps Central America or the Bahamas.

So yeah, this is quite a challenge.

I guess the producers valued the carpet in the living quarters over challenging questions.

Whatever.

"From My Cold Bare Hands"

That's Charlton "Guns n' Moses" Heston, by the way . . .

Human beings are so stupid:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/oregon_teacher_gun1_dc

Oh, this is a swell idea: lets give the go ahead to put a GUN in a high school classroom.

Before I begin, I would like to point out this educator is NOT in Texas.

A teacher in Oregon sued for her right to carry a gun into her high school classroom. She is concerned about a crazy ex husband coming after her at work. The Pro gun people are backing her ". . . natural, God- given (right to protect yourself)."

Whoa, cowboys and cowgirls. I totally buy the God- given right to protect myself. I take advantage of it daily. For instance, last night Karen rolled over in her sleep and smashed me. So I bit her on the shoulder.

Problem solved. I didn't pull out a revolver and blow her brains out. Who would clean the kitty box, after all?

OK, I will acknowledge that I am being trite. My minor inconveniences are not comparable to this poor woman's daily paranoia caused by a nutjob of an ex husband. That being said, do we really want another gun on a high school campus? Do we really want a gun carried by an individual who probably is a little jumpy anyway (for obvious reasons) and spends her day with teenagers, whose purpose in life is to make adults a little jumpy?

Besides, if her ex husband is that psychotic, I wouldn't want her teaching the youth of America until this issue is rectified.

That is, if I felt any affection for the youth of America, which I do not.

Did you know you are sixty percent more likely to shoot a loved one than an intruder in a home? Arm the teachers and the same statistic will prove true in education.

The woman has a license to carry concealed. Does this mean she's allowed to carry a gun wherever? Like PetSmart? I don't want anyone carrying a gun in PetSmart. Too many freaky things happen there.

In all honesty I despise the NRA. They hide behind the second amendment and refuse to enter the 21st century. Random acts of violence will not be solved by arming every Tom, Dick or Harry. Perhaps we should look at why these random acts of violence happen and devise a plan to address the bigger issue.

But we can discuss that another time. Karen brought home my copy of I am America. So I have to read for my review.