I am the Elizabeth Taylor of the feline world.

Showing posts with label 30 Rock. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 30 Rock. Show all posts

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

If James Bond Brought Me Flowers . . .


This is a concern of national importance. Forget the bailout (or lack thereof) of General Motors, forget the idea of Secretary of State Hillbilly, forget all time black Friday consumer lows, whatever. This is what you need to be concerned about:

Jeopardy!

Please explain, Penelope.

Our local television station has moved Jeopardy! to 11:37 pm.

This is a problem for two reasons:

Jeopardy! is awesome. Everyone knows this. Furthermore, we like to watch Jeopardy! in the afternoon when Karen is not at work. It's how we bond. We can't do this at 11:37 at night. Karen is, well, ASLEEP. Sadie and I are far too busy hunting. It isn't reasonable.

Furthermore, by moving Jeopardy! to 11:37, it bumps Frasier out of the late night roundup. Granted, we aren't awake at 11:37 very often, but we love Frasier. And Jeopardy! is far too difficult in the middle of the night.

Is this local programming or national? If it's local we might have to move. . .

Things that I, Penelope the Cat, am Thankful

I got this idea from Reid over at Reid All About It. Anyway, here are the things in which I am thankful:

1. Naps I love naps. I take one in the morning, one after lunch, and then another before dinner. It's awesome. And Karen just loves it that I say up all night chasing Sadie.

2. Our New House Karen cleans our box almost daily. This is awesome. She had new house syndrome so bad that most of our needs our met most of the time. The bed gets made every morning and everything. The only drawback is that since everything is clean nothing interesting gets left on the kitchen counters.

3. Tis the Season of James Bond I love that TBS and Spike run Bond movies constantly between Thanksgiving and Christmas. We here at I Don't Pretend to be an Ordinary Cat love the misogynistic Bond. He is the best.

4. 30 Rock We love 30 Rock. Last week it was a riot (with Steve Martin playing a pretend agoraphobic). Watch it.

5. Karen and the Cat Diet Karen thought that if she bought us smaller bowls we would eat less, thus I would lose the five pounds I gained while living with her parents (Karen's dad shares lunch meat with me and gives me milk, much to Karen's dismay). This is not happening. Karen is just filling the bowl more often (I wonder if she's figured this out).

6. The Bathtub Sadie and I love the bathtub in the master bathroom. We sometimes fight over who get to sit on the ledge next to the window.

7. Karen's Parents We really dig ole Babs and Johnny. They totally rock. Babs ALWAYS feeds us immediately when she notices some of the food is touching the bowl. (Karen, well, does not.) Johnny has such an aversion to wasting food that when I jump up on the counter and sample the lunch meat he ALWAYS gives me the part I sampled. It was heaven living with them. When I told Karen of these behaviors her response was "How nice for you".

8. Soft Tacos

9. My Blog Friends I love you, blog friends. Sometimes I tell Karen about you guys and refer to you as "my friends". She says, "You have no friends, Penelope. You don't leave the house, not to mention that you are mean and everyone knows it." That hurt my feelings so I sat on her face at two in the morning.

10. Flowers I like flowers. I like to jump on the table, put my front paws on the vase and sniff them. Usually at this point the vase falls over, which makes it really easy for me to lap up some water off the table before it gets on the carpet. Then I usually rub against the flowers, making a beautiful petal arrangement all over the house.
Karen no longer buys fresh flowers. She's doing this to spite me I think.

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving. Next week we'll be on the road to Christmas and I have much in store for you then.

Go 'Stros

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Rushdie, Baked Beans, and Regis Philbin

I'm a busy cat. I get so frustrated sometimes because no one seems to understand how much I do. Look at what I did today and tell me I'm not busy:

7 am: Woke Up. Sat with Karen as she got dressed for work. Watched The Early Show.

8:30 am: Karen left and turned off the TV. How inconsiderate. She makes me so angry when she does that. But what she doesn't know is I can use the remote.

8:30- 10 am: Morning Nap

10- 11 am: Grooming and Watching Live! With Regis and Kelly. Good to see Regis back.

11- 11:05: Lunch

11:05- 12 pm: Mid morning nap. Note: Allowed Sadie to sleep in bed (this was her hour).

12:00- 1:30 pm: Grooming and watching Ellen. Sadie and I discussed my schedule for tomorrow.

1:30- 1:33: Chased Sadie around the house for no apparent reason.

1:33- 3:30 pm: Took a nap, as tired from chasing Sadie. Halfway listened to Astros game.

3:30- 4 pm: Surfed the Internet. Found great article about Hugh Grant assaulting a photographer with a Tupperware container of baked beans.

4:00- 4:10 pm: Afternoon snack

4:10- 5:45 pm: Discussed ongoing projects with Sadie, who seems to be a little behind schedule. I simply asked her to focus more on her work and she told me to go to Hell.

5:46 pm: Fired personal assistant. Asked her to leave house.

5:47 pm: Realized neither assistant or myself can reach door knob (fire hazard-- must discuss with Karen). Assistant must wait to leave until Karen comes home. However, assistant banned to kitchen in meantime.

5:48 pm: Realized that Karen would not allow Sadie out of the house, as Karen ALWAYS sides with Sadie.

5:49 pm: Sadie forgets she's banished to the kitchen. Pretty sure Sadie forgot she was fired, as find her in the bathtub going over the blue prints for our latest real estate venture.

5:50 pm: Decide it isn't worth explaining to Sadie she has been fired and too tired to interview for new assistant. Rehire Sadie.

5:51- 7 pm: Nap

7- 7:45 pm: Grooming

7:45- 8 pm: Karen arrives home. Since she didn't walk upstairs to say hello, I wander downstairs and find her eating dinner.

8- 8:15 pm: Karen and I discuss our days and watch 30 Rock on the couch. Tell her about Hugh Grant and beans. Karen said the story was tragic at Shakespearean proportions Sadie joined us.

8:15- 8:16 pm: Chase Sadie through house because she sat on couch.

8:17- 9:30 pm: Slept in stairwell

9:30- 10 pm: Worked two advanced level Sudoku puzzles.

10- 10:30 pm: Watched The Daily Show with Karen. Mildly amusing.

10:30- 10:32 pm: Chased dust flakes in the air.

10:33- 11 pm: Read first three chapters of Fury

11:00 pm: Decided it would be amusing to torture Karen by jumping on her face while she tried to sleep. Karen did not like this and told me so.

11:03 pm: Midnight snack

11:08- midnight: Dozed on chair in living room.

12- 12:20 am: Discussed plot to overthrow the leadership with Sadie. Sadie did not know who "leadership" was.

12:20- 12:21 am: Attempted to kill Sadie with my bare, clawless paws.

12:21 am: After a long day, decided to go to bed.