It's Been a Long Time, Rush Limbaugh

I've been kinda busy.

Actually, I haven't been doing much other than lounging around Karen's parent's house. But I have a plethora of loose ends to tie up, so let's get down to business:

Movie Recommendation from Penelope the Cat

Rent The Good German.

Speaking of Rush Limbaugh

Did you know that Rush Limbaugh has a subscription service? For fifty bucks a year you can listen to prerecorded radio at your convienience. You can also look at the variety of documents he references during his show and get access to his top secret "personal" email.

I totally want this.

Karen said no dice and suggested I find gainful employment.

I've Been Awarded

OK, months ago Reb, one of my many Canadian friends, gave me an "Excellent Blogger Award". Although I thanked her on her website a while back I haven't acknowledged this publically until now:

Dear Reb:

Thank you so much for the "Excellent Blogger Award". I'm sure this most high honor is probably of the same level of prestige as a Nobel Prize. Since Nobel winners get a million dollars, I'm assuming I will be receiving a similar amount. However, my check has not arrived. Do you have my mailing address? Karen told me she'd be willing to cash it for me, as I am a cat and do not have time for such frivolus details as modern banking. Just let me know what I need to do.

-- P

So what else can I tell you . . .

Karen and George
Karen is tense. She's stressed about the house stuff (long story). Anyhoo, Karen was driving to visit Sadie and me and the typical half hour drive took over an hour. You wanna take a gander at why? It seems that George the Sequel was in Houston for Dr. DeBakey's funeral. So traffic was nutty between the airforce base and downtown.

I think it would be a kick if George flew coach.

More Freaky Politics

Did you people hear about this?

http://abclocal.go.com/ktrk/story?section=news/local&id=6280419

Basically, all of the local congressmen (including former presidential candidate Ron Paul) were on a plane leaving Houston and heading to D.C., only to make a sudden emergency landing in New Orleans.

They were going to vote on an aviation safety bill.

The Big Announcement

Soon we here at I Don't Pretend to be an Ordinary Cat are planning to implement a new feature:

What the Crap Wednesdays

Basically, all the things we find annoying, bizarre, whatever will be featured every Wednesday. I've sent Karen out and about in Redneck Hell taking pictures. She's stockpiling some really awesome stuff.

However, she won't give me anything until after the house sells and we are moved.

But stay tuned, my friends, stay tuned.

Sunday Morning News Shows

OK, you know what the discussion was on ALL of the uberimportant Sunday morning news shows?

McCain's commercial.

Have you seen it?

Well, regardless let me give you my new favorite mantra:

"The three most boring topics of conversation are: Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, and the pigmentation of Barack Obama." -- George Will

And that's all I'm sayin' about that.

So Penelope, we've been watching CNN with baited breath, hoping you were safe during this "tropical storm". Are you nice and dry???

The answer to this question is, yes, I am quite nice and dry, still hanging out at Karen's parent's house. Tropical storm Eduardo was basically a bust, at least for us. Karen, who is still at our old house, which is way closer to the coast, is stuck at home, enjoying what has amounted to roughly a half inch of rain.

I plan to write more about all of this in a couple of days, as the whole experience is pretty ridiculous.

So stay tune, readers, stay tuned. . .

Back Achne

George Bush once was busted on tape for calling a reporter a "Grade A Asshole". I always thought that was amusing. Even after I saw the clip on Letterman like a hundred times, it was still funny.

This has absolutely nothing to do with anything except that Barry Bonds is one grade A asshole.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21586313/

My initial reaction is "don't let the door hit you on the ass, Barry". Since Mark McGwire hasn't exactly been lucky in his induction, I am hesitant to think that Bonds will his get in with great ease either.

I wouldn't be picking out the suit for the ceremony just yet, Barry.

That being said, I'm not totally convinced that an astrik is right, either. This problem only exists because Major League Baseball had such a dumb ass steroid policy for so many years. Serves them right for ignoring this major problem.

No hard and fast evidence exists, proving Bonds is a user of the juice. All that exists is gossip, the giant head and probably back ache.

I'll let someone else find out to see if he has shrunken testicles or not.

Yes, I think that Bonds probably shot up here and there. But don't we live in a country which insists upon PROOF, as opposed to heresay?

So guess what? An asterisk is against my philosophy of justice.

Whatever

What Would Molly Do?

Today is Molly Ivins' birthday. She would be 63.

Ivins is one of the greatest political writers ever-- period. She coined the nicknames "shrub" and "good hair" for President Bush and Governor Perry respectively. She wrote for the Texas Observer and The New York Times, amongst other publications. In January, Ivins died after a long bout with breast cancer.

Here are some of my favorite Ivins quotes:

"We are the people who run this country. We are the deciders. And every single day, every single one of us needs to step outside and take some action to help stop this war."

By the way, there are now 3,728 American casualties in Iraq.

"Having breast cancer is massive amounts of no fun. First they mutilate you; then they poison you; then they burn you. I have been on blind dates better than that."

"So keep fightin' for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't you forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce. And when you get through kickin' ass and celebratin' the sheer joy of a good fight, be sure to tell those who come after how much fun it was."

"If left to my own devices, I'd spend all my time pointing out that he's (Bill Clinton) weaker than bus-station chili. But the man is so constantly subjected to such hideous and unfair abuse that I wind up standing up for him on the general principle that some fairness should be applied. Besides, no one but a fool or a Republican ever took him for a liberal."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention.”
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[On then-President George H. W. Bush] "Personally, I think he's further evidence that the Great Scriptwriter in the sky has an overdeveloped sense of irony."

If you would like to read some of Ivins' columns here are a list:

http://www.texasobserver.org/molly_work.php

Go 'Stros!!!

The Way Things Ought to Be

During the Republican debate, Mitt Romney was asked what he disliked most about America. He couldn't come up with an answer. For this reason, I, Penelope the Cat, will tell Mr. Romney what is wrong with America.:

Paris Hilton Going to Jail. I asked Sadie, my personal assistant, if one was allowed to operate a motor vehicle with a suspended driver's license and her response was "What's a license?" For this, I, once again, made an attempt on her life.
My point is, with incompetent help, how can I (or she) be expected for follow these petty frivolous societal rules like if your driver's license has been "suspended" for driving 70 mph sans headlights through night time LA traffic, this means no driving at all?
What if I have things to do?
What if I get a reality show? (It's in development right now, you know.)
Does that mean I still can't drive?
Evidently, the answer to that question is yes, if this driver's license is suspended one cannot drive, as Paris discovered the hard way.
This particular issue doesn't have much to do with me. Karen is my driver and when she isn't doing other things like working she pretty much takes me wherever I want to go.
Anyway, if you want to "free Paris" there are a couple of websites with petitions. It's great: her situation is compared to Gerald Ford's decision to pardon Richard Nixon after Watergate. I don't know where these are. Find them yourself, if you so choose.

George Bush. You know about Barney, the president's terrier-- first dog, if you will. You probably also know about Miss Beazley as well. These two have their own website and two short features on the White House web site.
You probably don't know about India, the first cat. Why would that be, you ask? Because the commander-in-chief is more than happy to give those insipid dogs, who jump out of his arms to run across the White House lawn for no apparent reason, major coverage and completely snub the one who probably is running the country as we speak. And then on her minimalist information page, the author mentions that India's favorite book is If You Take a Mouse to the Movies, as if that cat is reading such drivel. I have a few contacts in D.C. and from what I heard, India is right in the middle of a Sinclair Lewis classic, It Can't Happen Here.
Anyway, I think you ought to write President Bush a letter about this. Forget Iraq, forget high gas prices, forget weapons of mass destruction, or whatever issue is eating you and keeping George the Sequel's approval rating at 28 percent. Let him know that India deserves EQUAL TIME. Sadie is working on a petition, mentioning that it would be nice if the White House rectified this grave issue. When it's ready, she'll let you know.

For today that's all I have. I'll let you know if I come up with any other pertinent issues which need to be addressed. I'm tired-- it's time for a nap.