I am the Elizabeth Taylor of the feline world.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Recession My Ass and Other Points of Interest

FYI: I am blogging to you via a WIRELESS connection.

I am so excited.

Totally Random Issue

Today (November 30th) is the last day of hurricane season. So we are now safe again (until July, that is).

Christmas Trees, Plasmas, and the National Economy

Karen decided to buy a new Christmas tree since she accidentally left the old one in the attic at our former residence.

When I say "accidentally", I use the term loosely by the way. Karen wanted a new tree.

Anyway, she found one she liked at Michael's last week. It was two hundred bucks. Being that Karen needed to be able to make her first house payment, she didn't purchase the two hundred dollar tree, despite really wanting it and knowing that was the going rate for the tree she wanted.

So Karen held off.

Thanksgiving morning Karen discovered that Michael's had all of their trees fifty percent off. This, with a twenty percent off coupon made the tree a reasonable price. So at 5:30 Karen was off to Michael's, as the store opened Thanksgiving evening at six. She didn't think it would be a big deal: she'd arrive at Michael's at six bebop in and buy her tree.

Pretty simple, right?

Not so much.

There was a LINE outside of Michael's.


A line

So, of course, Karen got in it.

Michael's was not the only store with a line, by the way. A bunch of people were lined up outside of Circuit City and Best Buy. They had tents and were drinking beer, kind of like an urban camp out.

Is this tradition? The mall parking statistics were like every year in the Houston area (Baybrook/ Galleria/ Woodlands at 106 percent in the morning, dropping to 85 percent capacity after lunch).

But is this tradition or are people still spending money?

I guess we won't know until next week . . .

Another Totally Random Issue
We are sitting around watching the movie Foul Play. We love this movie. If you've never seen it, rent it or stay up one night when it plays at three in the morning.

Secretary of State Hillbilly

Don't get me wrong, I really don't have a problem with Hillary as Secretary of State.

I just love calling her Hillbilly.

Anyway, what I'm loving is that ole Bill has agreed to release his donor list within his nonprofit.

So we'll know if Crystal from Scores is donating towards tsunami relief.

And Now a Final Random Moment

I posted on my sidebar one of my FAVORITE David Sedaris essays (read by him) "Six to Eight Black Men". It is about Christmas traditions. Click on it and be prepared to laugh really super dooper hard.

I posted this last year. I just thought we should see it again.

Go 'Stros

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

If James Bond Brought Me Flowers . . .

This is a concern of national importance. Forget the bailout (or lack thereof) of General Motors, forget the idea of Secretary of State Hillbilly, forget all time black Friday consumer lows, whatever. This is what you need to be concerned about:


Please explain, Penelope.

Our local television station has moved Jeopardy! to 11:37 pm.

This is a problem for two reasons:

Jeopardy! is awesome. Everyone knows this. Furthermore, we like to watch Jeopardy! in the afternoon when Karen is not at work. It's how we bond. We can't do this at 11:37 at night. Karen is, well, ASLEEP. Sadie and I are far too busy hunting. It isn't reasonable.

Furthermore, by moving Jeopardy! to 11:37, it bumps Frasier out of the late night roundup. Granted, we aren't awake at 11:37 very often, but we love Frasier. And Jeopardy! is far too difficult in the middle of the night.

Is this local programming or national? If it's local we might have to move. . .

Things that I, Penelope the Cat, am Thankful

I got this idea from Reid over at Reid All About It. Anyway, here are the things in which I am thankful:

1. Naps I love naps. I take one in the morning, one after lunch, and then another before dinner. It's awesome. And Karen just loves it that I say up all night chasing Sadie.

2. Our New House Karen cleans our box almost daily. This is awesome. She had new house syndrome so bad that most of our needs our met most of the time. The bed gets made every morning and everything. The only drawback is that since everything is clean nothing interesting gets left on the kitchen counters.

3. Tis the Season of James Bond I love that TBS and Spike run Bond movies constantly between Thanksgiving and Christmas. We here at I Don't Pretend to be an Ordinary Cat love the misogynistic Bond. He is the best.

4. 30 Rock We love 30 Rock. Last week it was a riot (with Steve Martin playing a pretend agoraphobic). Watch it.

5. Karen and the Cat Diet Karen thought that if she bought us smaller bowls we would eat less, thus I would lose the five pounds I gained while living with her parents (Karen's dad shares lunch meat with me and gives me milk, much to Karen's dismay). This is not happening. Karen is just filling the bowl more often (I wonder if she's figured this out).

6. The Bathtub Sadie and I love the bathtub in the master bathroom. We sometimes fight over who get to sit on the ledge next to the window.

7. Karen's Parents We really dig ole Babs and Johnny. They totally rock. Babs ALWAYS feeds us immediately when she notices some of the food is touching the bowl. (Karen, well, does not.) Johnny has such an aversion to wasting food that when I jump up on the counter and sample the lunch meat he ALWAYS gives me the part I sampled. It was heaven living with them. When I told Karen of these behaviors her response was "How nice for you".

8. Soft Tacos

9. My Blog Friends I love you, blog friends. Sometimes I tell Karen about you guys and refer to you as "my friends". She says, "You have no friends, Penelope. You don't leave the house, not to mention that you are mean and everyone knows it." That hurt my feelings so I sat on her face at two in the morning.

10. Flowers I like flowers. I like to jump on the table, put my front paws on the vase and sniff them. Usually at this point the vase falls over, which makes it really easy for me to lap up some water off the table before it gets on the carpet. Then I usually rub against the flowers, making a beautiful petal arrangement all over the house.
Karen no longer buys fresh flowers. She's doing this to spite me I think.

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving. Next week we'll be on the road to Christmas and I have much in store for you then.

Go 'Stros

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Vampires and the Shelf Life of Biscotti

Have you missed me???

Guys, I've been busy grooming and napping and coming up with a plan for world domination.

Anyway, let's get started.

My Town Mondays

I've got pictures and a story idea and everything. It just isn't happening. Anyway, perhaps next week it'll happen (sorry Travis).

The Cookie Jar

At some point in her life Karen procured a Santa Claus cookie jar. This jar has been, well, sitting in a cabinet for who knows how long. Anyway, Karen was reorganizing the pantry today and the container wouldn't fit the way she wanted, so she took the lid off. Inside the cookie jar were individually wrapped biscotti.

Lots of biscotti.

Tons of biscotti.

Anyway, Karen cannot remember when she got the cookie jar. Was it a Christmas present? If so when? Last Christmas? The Christmas before? Regardless, the biscotti is now in the trash.

Such a shame.

Weird Random Moments

Last Tuesday we experienced a really nasty rain storm. The windows shook and the light fixture in the entry hall was shaking loudly. Karen did not sleep that night. She called the builder of our house the next day and although he could not come up with a great explanation for the occurrence, he asked a bunch of questions regarding the fixture itself. Anyway, Karen was describing the attachment of the fixture to the ceiling and suddenly was at a loss for words.

The problem, as it seems, was she really wanted to use the word "shaft" in this description, but couldn't do it. So in her brain she was frantically looking for a word, but nothing was OK:



It was horrible, according to Karen. It was like Freud was wreaking havoc with her head. Not a word she could muster didn't have a phallic connotation.

She was really embarrassed.

Is this normal human female ridiculousness that I just simply don't understand?


The Local News
Another awesome example of our tax money at work:

Once again, I could not make this up.

I don't even know what to say other than what the crap?

Book Reviews by Penelope the Cat

First book: "American Wife" by Curtis Sittenfield.

We thoroughly enjoyed Sittenfield's first book "Prep" so much that we picked up this, her third novel. It is a fictionalized account of the life of Laura Bush. How fictionalized? I don't know.

Who cares?

It's worth a read.

Here is a link to Sittenfield's essay "Why I Love Laura Bush":


Second Book: "Twilight" by Stephanie Meyer

OK, I know, I know. I'm not quite finished yet. I'm about two- thirds done.

I will admit it: I'm intrigued.

But again, it's adolescent fiction, with a simplistic story line. Regardless, it's just complicated enough for me to keep reading.

Anyone who has read it, drop me a line, though, as I have some questions . . .