I am the Elizabeth Taylor of the feline world.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Book Reviews by Penelope the Cat

As I mentioned on the sidebar, I am reviewing My Boring- Ass Life.

It's boring.

If I valued everyday monotony, I'd post daily and tell you what I did:

6 am: Woke up, groomed

6:45 am: Took a nap

8:30 am: Ate breakfast

8:40 am: Used the facilities

8:43 am: Took a nap

10 am: Watched The View

11 am: Took a nap

1:42 pm: Ate late lunch

1:50 pm: Took a nap

3:45 pm: Groomed

5 pm: Watched Barak Obama on CNN

See my point?

I like Kevin Smith. Because I like Kevin Smith I skipped to the end of the book and read Me and My Shadow. This is valuable. It's the story of his journey dealing with Jason Mewes' (a.k.a Jay, as in Jay and Silent Bob-- a life long friend) drug addiction. If you know someone with a serious narcotic dependency, I would think this story would be quite poignant. For this reason I will recommend the book. Otherwise, take into consideration the title.

The only other value within it was that he does give Sting a shout out and specifically mentions my favorite Sting song Ghost Story.

Anyway, I'm done with this. Don't ask me what I'm reviewing next, as I don't know. Right now it's nap time.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Voices from Our Past

This post is dedicated to the ever-so-lovely Iranian visitor to our country who doesn't believe the holocaust happened. The real tragedy is he will never realize what good society lost during the horrific reign of Adolf Hitler:

I am intrigued by this article on the National Public Radio web site:


Wow. I can't say much more, other than can't wait to read the book.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Cat Fights

Karen has been after me to write about Michael Vick for weeks.

Initially, I told her no. What do I care if some dude in Atlanta wants to fight dogs? Dogs are generally stupid, hence fighting for no apparent reason, other than being directed to do so. As far as I'm concerned, the whole thing reeks of Darwin.

Karen then asked me what if people started fighting cats. Would I expect to be protected then?

As we all know, that's just ridiculous. Cats don't do things because a member of human kind suggests it. Have you ever asked at cat to do anything? We pretty much just sit there and look at you with great contempt.

I thought about situations in which I could be persuaded to fight. Perhaps if Mr. Vick wanted to give me a cut in the money he made, I might consider fighting professionally. I definitely wouldn't fight for free. And he'd have to work around my schedule, too. I don't see myself fighting more than once a week, tops (I have a life, you know). I'd also expect a private dressing room with a chenille couch and lots of bottled water and tuna.

Does anybody else see the entire situation as completely absurd? Vick, in a horrifically overpaid profession, is having to moonlight as the kingpin of a dog fighting ring?

And on other issues:

I was watching Face the Nation this morning with Karen and almost came out of my skin. Hillary Clinton used the phrase "Cowboy Diplomacy". That's mine. I've used it all over the place. I think I should sue. Or she should at least hire me as a speech writer. Whatever. I could email her stuff when I felt like writing. Anyway, if you know Senator Clinton, tell her she needs to call me so we can work this out.

Geez, the absurdity of all of this is making me tired. I'm off to take a nap.

Sunday, September 16, 2007


Last week I stayed at Karen's parents house. It's a great place to be (lots of windows and furniture to hide under, not to mention several WINDOW SEATS upstairs), but their computer is dead, so I had no Internet access. Thus, no posting and I missed SO MUCH.

Actually, I missed the VMAs. Evidently it was in interesting night:

1. Britney Spears practically naked debacle
Not much to say here. MTV should be ashamed of themselves, taking advantage of a very obviously mentally ill individual. I would boycott them, but I don't watch MTV.
Oh well . . .

2. The Tommy Lee/ Kid Rock's Skirmish
I've seen more sophistication standing outside the firework stands in a red, white and blue bikini. Geez guys you're rich, famous and live in Los Angeles: can't you each find your own "enhanced" skank to hang out with and leave ole Pam alone?

3. Kanye West's Sour Grapes
You know what, Susan Lucci was nominated for best actress in a soap on whatever award show soap opera queens attend, about a million times and didn't win until quite recently. Did she whine and complain? No. Suck it up, Kanye. Stop being so bitter. I almost liked your crazy self during the Hurricane Katrina relief thing, but this is just petty.

Does anyone else find it odd that MTV is hosting the VIDEO MUSIC Awards? From what I've heard, MTV doesn't show much in the area of music videos anymore.


But that was last week. Now we've got O.J. Simpson to discuss.

I love O.J. He defied justice and got away with a double murder. Now he's been accused of robbing a Vegas hotel room, or more technically: "Robbery with a Deadly Weapon". He could face up to 35 years PER COUNT in the poky.

I'd love to say more about this. But I've decided to wait until more information comes out this week.

So stay tuned, readers, stay tuned.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

"It's Raining Men"

Has it been a great news week or what???

To quote Anderson Cooper of CNN:

"Is it a crime to flirt in the men's restroom?"

I'll let my male readers answer this question. I'm leaving that one alone.

Anyway, I am about to argue a point for the good Senator Larry Craig.

What, you ask. Penelope, why are you, the fabulous and all knowing cat, defending a man who plead guilty to a crime of George Michael proportions?

Because Craig is totally a victim of politics as usual.

Let me explain:

Just a matter of months ago, Senator David "House of the Rising Sun" Vitter admitted (after he was named by the D.C. madam) to soliciting prostitutes. Was he asked to resign?


Why, you ask, would the Republican Party persecute one skank lover over another?

The answer is very simple: Louisiana has a Democrat for Governor. Idaho has a Republican Governor. If Vitter were to resign, he would be replaced by a . . .

dom- dum- dom


This would not make George happy. It might even make ole Dick curse.

But wait, Penelope. Senator Craig has been a controversial figure for many years. His sexuality has been an issue frequently and he was even investigated for behaving inappropriately with Senate pages.

And Vitter was a virgin to hookerville until recently? His name appeared with the Canal Street madam in 2002.

Please. The whole issue boils down to Senate votes and numbers. This has nothing to do upholding any high standard of morality whatsoever.

Part of me is rooting for Senator Craig. I'd like to see him "stick it to the man".

Was that a poor choice of words?

Oh well . . .

I think CNN spent at least an hour on this issue during prime time.

In the meantime:

The Germans uncovered a terror plot against America.

Fred Thompson announced his candidacy for the presidency (surprise surprise).

And the 'Stros totally got their asses kick (14- 2 Milwaukee)

Not to mention the 3,750 American casualties in Iraq

Anyway . . .

I have a novel idea:

Why not leave it be and let THE VOTERS of the great states of Idaho and Louisiana VOTE THEIR ASSES OUT.

Or keep them. Stranger things have happened (Ted Kennedy, myriad of Texas politicians, etc.)

I can't make rhyme or reason of any of this crap. I'm going to bed and hope to hear nothing about Senator Craig tomorrow.

Not bloody likely though.