Cat Fights

Karen has been after me to write about Michael Vick for weeks.

Initially, I told her no. What do I care if some dude in Atlanta wants to fight dogs? Dogs are generally stupid, hence fighting for no apparent reason, other than being directed to do so. As far as I'm concerned, the whole thing reeks of Darwin.

Karen then asked me what if people started fighting cats. Would I expect to be protected then?

As we all know, that's just ridiculous. Cats don't do things because a member of human kind suggests it. Have you ever asked at cat to do anything? We pretty much just sit there and look at you with great contempt.

I thought about situations in which I could be persuaded to fight. Perhaps if Mr. Vick wanted to give me a cut in the money he made, I might consider fighting professionally. I definitely wouldn't fight for free. And he'd have to work around my schedule, too. I don't see myself fighting more than once a week, tops (I have a life, you know). I'd also expect a private dressing room with a chenille couch and lots of bottled water and tuna.

Does anybody else see the entire situation as completely absurd? Vick, in a horrifically overpaid profession, is having to moonlight as the kingpin of a dog fighting ring?

And on other issues:

I was watching Face the Nation this morning with Karen and almost came out of my skin. Hillary Clinton used the phrase "Cowboy Diplomacy". That's mine. I've used it all over the place. I think I should sue. Or she should at least hire me as a speech writer. Whatever. I could email her stuff when I felt like writing. Anyway, if you know Senator Clinton, tell her she needs to call me so we can work this out.

Geez, the absurdity of all of this is making me tired. I'm off to take a nap.