I am the Elizabeth Taylor of the feline world.

Friday, August 31, 2007

A Fun Meme

I decided to do this meme I saw on Thomma Lyn's site Tennessee Text Wrestling:

It's really simple: you answer these questions by using the first letter of your name:

My name: Penelope (the cat)

Famous Singer: Prince

Four letter word: Porn

Street: Pacific Avenue

Color: Pumpkin

Gifts/Presents: Petunias

Vehicle: Porshe

Things in a Souvenir Shop: Pens

Boy Name: Patrick

Girl Name: Prudence

Movie Title: Pretty Woman

Drink: Peach Scnaps

Occupation: Police Officer

Celebrity: Penelope Ann Miller

Magazine: Penthouse

U.S. City: Pittsburg

Pro Sports: Pingpong

Fruit: Pear

Reason for Being Late for Work: Pooped Out

Something You Throw Away: Poop

Things You Shout: Piss Off!!!

Cartoon Character: Peppy la Pew

That was fun!!! Everyone should try it.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

What Would Molly Do?

Today is Molly Ivins' birthday. She would be 63.

Ivins is one of the greatest political writers ever-- period. She coined the nicknames "shrub" and "good hair" for President Bush and Governor Perry respectively. She wrote for the Texas Observer and The New York Times, amongst other publications. In January, Ivins died after a long bout with breast cancer.

Here are some of my favorite Ivins quotes:

"We are the people who run this country. We are the deciders. And every single day, every single one of us needs to step outside and take some action to help stop this war."

By the way, there are now 3,728 American casualties in Iraq.

"Having breast cancer is massive amounts of no fun. First they mutilate you; then they poison you; then they burn you. I have been on blind dates better than that."

"So keep fightin' for freedom and justice, beloveds, but don't you forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities that freedom can produce. And when you get through kickin' ass and celebratin' the sheer joy of a good fight, be sure to tell those who come after how much fun it was."

"If left to my own devices, I'd spend all my time pointing out that he's (Bill Clinton) weaker than bus-station chili. But the man is so constantly subjected to such hideous and unfair abuse that I wind up standing up for him on the general principle that some fairness should be applied. Besides, no one but a fool or a Republican ever took him for a liberal."

"Next time I tell you someone from Texas should not be president of the United States, please pay attention.”

[On then-President George H. W. Bush] "Personally, I think he's further evidence that the Great Scriptwriter in the sky has an overdeveloped sense of irony."

If you would like to read some of Ivins' columns here are a list:


Go 'Stros!!!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Nobody puts Putin in the Corner

Before I begin, I would like to point out that Dirty Dancing might be the stupidest movie ever created. I know it has a following and if you're a fan, I'm sorry to mention your taste sucks.

Anyway Lionsgate is suing over a trademark infringement:


I'm really not interested in legalities. Bottom line: it's a stupid movie which made WAY more money than any stupid movie should ever make.

T shirt companies are giving it free advertising.

Who cares?

Lionsgate should have to pay a fine for lowering the collective IQ.

Anyway . . .

The man.

The myth.

The 54- year- old dude sans shirt.


Being that I am a well informed cat, I opt not to criticize ANYONE formerly associated with the KGB. It just seems safer that way. With that in mind, despite being 54 Vladimir Putin looks pretty good topless. This shouldn't be surprising, as once again, HE'S FORMER KGB.

I'm guessing that Putin is so physically and mentally trained he probably sleeps with one eye open. The newspapers are saying this is supposedly some PR/ "I'm macho" move.


Who are we to judge? Ole George clears brush in Texas to show his machismo.

He usually wears a shirt though.

Whose more macho: Vladimir "I took care of things in the Cold War era" Putin or George "I took care of the keg and God knows what else during the Cold War era" Bush???

Would the topless approach work in the states?

Presidential candidates without a shirt. Interesting . . .

I'm seeing Dennis Kucinich walking along the beach.

How about John McCain mowing the lawn?

Or Rudy Giuliani chewing on a cigar, overseeing a craps game in the back yard?

John Edwards fishing?

Mitt Romney . . . I don't know. I don't think ole Mitt is ever topless. I think he even wears clothes in the shower.


Go 'Stros.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

"Wasted away again in Margaritaville . . . "

I love the hurricanes.

It brings out the stupidity in everyone, including us.

Karen went to the local Super Target last night, already out of bottled water, and she overheard two middle aged women in short shorts talking about their hurricane plans:

"Yeah, I'm having an evacuation party. I'm inviting Jack and Margarita and Jose Cuevero and we're all going to have a good time."

Great. That's all we need: drunken chicks in the middle of a hurricane.

Karen, Sadie and I have been GLUED to the TV all morning, trying to get more information so we can make an educated decision about whether or not to flee like the Joads close to midweek.

We watch the local news for good information. In our experience, the dudes at CNN and the other national news sources work more on fear and sensationalism than on helping people come up with plans prestorm. They like to send a nut job (aka reporter who does not fear God) into the storm and said nut job hangs out in the rain talking about how hard the wind is blowing and how wet they are standing in the rain.

Speaking of reporters, I miss Dan Rather. He's the master of nut jobs covering hurricanes. I don't care about all that alleged B.S. with ole George the younger's "service" in the National Guard. Even in the latter part of his career, he was still mid storm, standing in rising water, covering the hurricanes for those of us fascinated with weather train wrecks, just like he did in Galveston during Hurricane Carla in 1961.

This, by the way, was the first live television broadcast of a hurricane.

Post storm the networks do a better job with the human interest stuff. I am grateful to the national news sources (and local down here) which showed us the death and devastation in New Orleans two years ago. If we depended on our wonderful government to do this, well, we probably wouldn't know what happened in New Orleans those wretched hours post storm.

Notice I said "post storm". Hurricanes aren't great by any stretch of the imagination. But perhaps if the scumbag bureaucracies both state AND nationally would have kept that levee in good repair then the catastrophe post storm would have been significantly less.

Whatever. All reporting is repetitive at this moment. It looks like after ole Dean plows through Jamaica and the Yucatan Peninsula, it will blow into northern Mexico Wednesday mid morning.

If it does that, we shall stay home and watch the rain.

However, hurricanes virtually NEVER go where the meteorologists think they will. Typically they veer north. The plan mentioned above works if the eye hits south of Corpus Christi. If it looks like it'll hits north of that area, we'll go somewhere, either west or north of town or all the way to Austin.

Karen wanted me to send out thoughts and prayers to those in the Yucatan and Jamaica. We wish you the best under the horrific circumstances you will face soon.

Other things I'd like to talk about, but don't have the time right now:
1. Democratic Iowa Debate
2. Sadie the Tuna Thief
3. John Edwards' hair (president Good Hair???)
4 Anti wrinkle pizza (http://www.thatsfit.com/2007/08/13/anti-wrinkle-pizza)
5. The melodrama of CNN

Thoughts for later this week. Hopefully, it'll happen . . .

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Just in Time for Back to School

A New York City high school principal hired her neighbor to perform a Santeria ritual to rid the school of "negative energy".

Once again, I could not make this up:


The way I look at it, you gotta do what you gotta do. Kids are bad. All of them. I have no use for the whole lot. The little ones eat out of my bowl and pull my tail and then I get into trouble when I make any attempt upon their life. As they get older they progress into shooting water guns in my direction. And then I'm expected to be nice?

Yeah, that's going to happen.

Anyway, over the winter break last school year, this principal hired her neighbor to perform a ritual involving chicken blood, cigar smoking, and incense on the fourth floor of the high school.

When the teachers returned to work they did notice the strange smoky air and the smell of incense.

They probably blamed it on the kids.

She invited the assistant principal to join her. She also coerced her out of $900 to pay for part of the ritual.

I asked Karen what she would do if her boss asked her to join in a Santeria ritual and then expected her to pay for it. She said she would first stall her boss by mentioning trying to get an "educator's discount" out of the neighbor.

Finally, Karen would totally fink out her boss.

"There's is no way I'd give $900 for a ritual cleansing," she told me. "Removal of negative energy is not in my job description and I'd tell my boss that most articulately."

I would now like to point out that THIS DID NOT HAPPEN IN TEXAS.

Strange things in the public school system.

I blame John Dewey.

Go 'Stros.

Hank Aaron Rules

Saturday, August 4, 2007

The stars at night are big and bright . . .

"Personally, I felt like the Texas pledge had a big old hole in it, and it occurred to me, 'You know what? We need to fix that,' " said Debbie Riddle, R-Tomball.

This issue has so many problems. Let's start with the obvious:

Did you know Texas has its own pledge?

Remember, Texas is the only state in the union which was ever its own country.

Thus, our loyalties are a little offkilter from most Americans.

Anyway, the pledge is:

"Honor the Texas flag; I pledge allegiance to thee, Texas, one and indivisible."

Now add "one state under God" after "Texas" and before "one".

Personally, I don't see the pledge as "having a hole in it". I see it as ridiculous in its original form and awkward as all get out in its new and improved format.

First of all, Texas is NOT "one and indivisible". Part of statehood was an agreement that if necessary Texas could be divided into as many as five states.

That sounds pretty divisible to me.

Second, what exactly am I pledging allegiance to?

Willie Nelson?

Governor Good Hair?

Nolan Ryan?

Odd or Drunken Astronauts?

Michael Dell?

Janis Joplin?

Sam Houston?

The pledge to the Texas flag was ordained into existence 1933. Schools were mandated to give children the opportunity to say it daily during the post 9/11 days, along with the pledge to the U.S. flag, of course.

I would like to know if Rep. Riddle has ever read any of the Psalms. In his writing, King David didn't just randomly throw out statements of praise and glory. His words were meticulously chosen and crafted, creating art in the name of God.

If we must name drop in the state pledge, I think we owe the maker at least a minimal effort in the creative process.

This issue has now irritated me. I'm off to take a nap.

By the way, as of now there have been 3,664 American casualties in Iraq.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Suburban Goats

One of my neighbors most recently procured a goat.

I watch it every morning while Karen is getting dressed for work and complaining about the goat making such a racket (were you aware that goats made noise-- I wasn't). It hangs in the backyard, with what looks like a black lab. The dog is allowed house privileges. The goat does not receive such luxuries, it appears.

If I were the goat I'd complain.

Karen has two concerns about the goat:

1. The goat is loud.

2. The goat should not eat her fence.

Sadie is scared of the goat, surprise surprise. When she hears it she runs off and hides.

I really don't care that much about the goat. My question is why, even in redneck Hell, would someone need a goat in the suburbs?

Are they milking it?

Does this mean they don't have to mow the yard anymore?

Anyone out in cyberland know the purpose of a goat? If you do, please let me know, as I'm quite curious about this issue.