I am the Elizabeth Taylor of the feline world.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

The Cat is Back

Dear Readers of Discriminating Taste,

I've been gone quite a while, I know. It's a tragedy of Shakespearean proportions. Quite frankly it was a hard winter. Karen bought us a smaller food dish and occasionally I have to eat the morsels which touch the bowl.

I hate that.

Furthermore, Karen refuses to leave the water running in the bathtub, so I'm stuck with water from our dish. The new house has no stairs or rednecks, so not only do I not have cardio of my preference, but I'm bored during the day without my theater of the drunken yokels. Plus no neighborhood cats hang out in our backyard.

The loneliness is palpable, my friends.

Sadie, who spends her days sleeping on the bed, is no fun. She's all concerned about "rules" and "laws" and such. Oh please; its' not like she can read to know such things.

And then there's Karen.

Karen has, like many Americans, developed an addiction to Facebook. Normally I really have no feelings regarding Karen's interests, but this one has caused a hindrance in my life; it means I can't use the computer in the evenings. To remedy this slight, I tried to distract Karen with my personal needs. This didn't work. So of course I then resorted to violence. Similar to a meth addict, Karen just screams and waves her hands around. I considered upping the anty a bit, but then Karen would end up at home all day on disability and we can't have that, can we?

I came up with a reasonable solution to this problem: Karen should buy me a computer. When I proposed the idea, she laughed at me.

"You're kidding, right?" she said, as she typed her fifth status update of the evening. "Buy your own damn computer, or blog during the day."

This is how genius is treated at my house.

Karen and I have come up with a reasonable arrangement with our computer usage and such. So I will soon be blogging once again regularly. I'm hoping my friends will forgive me for my disappearance. If they don't, oh well; I'm a cat. I don't have high regard for the "feelings" of humankind.

Anyway . . .

Since my last blog, the world has truly turned to crap. I will soon be telling you people how to get "things" back on track.

Sincerely,

Penelope (the cat)

6 comments:

Travis Erwin said...

Welcome back. I was worried used used up #9 my friend.

billy pilgrim said...

facebookitis!
i don't think they've found a cure for that yet.

just bob said...

Welcome back Penelope. Light a fire under Sadie to get her moving around too.

Mr. Shife said...

Glad to hear you are still hanging in there Penelope. Facebook can be an evil monster. I have been lured by its fancy buttons and pretty pictures. Hope you and Karen had a nice time on her birthday.

Crabby McSlacker said...

Now my cat is lobbying for a computer too. Thanks a lot, Penelope! Sheesh.

Look forward to upcoming reports.

Merry said...

Penelope, what happened? Did your human not treat you with enough respect and reverence, so you've migrated back to Egypt where you will be worshiped as you deserve?