I am the Elizabeth Taylor of the feline world.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

The Cat is Back

I thought I should dispel any rumors about my whereabouts as of late:

1. No, I am not Paris Hilton's spiritual advisor. She conferences with Barbara Walters

2. I did not run off with George Clooney. First of all, I'm a cat. I have no interest in George Clooney. He's just another human working stiff. Also, I've been spade. I have no yearnings, thanks to Karen, who would run off with George Clooney tomorrow, if she had the option. (And she had me spade???)

3. I was not in jail for attempted murder (or anything else for that matter). The authorities do not intimidate me. I can take the best of them.

4. I am not a contestant on the Bachelor. Again, I was spade in 2002. Furthermore, isn't the bachelor just a very small step above harems?

5. I did not get tickets to the NBA finals. I don't attend public sporting events. It's too loud.

6. I was not taking an extended nap brought on by a viewing of An Inconvenient Truth. I'm only an environmentalist to irritate Karen. I'm not about to do anything that would change my life.

7. I am not campaigning for Ron Paul. This is because I am a cat, and once again, CATS DO NOT WORK, or do anything which requires much effort. If Dr. Paul is relying on me to fund raise-- well, that explains why he doesn't have much money.

8. I was not lounging at a Scientology center. From what I gather about Scientology, I need to give them money to visit a "center". This is ridiculous, by the way. I have no pockets, how can anyone expect me to have money? They should want me to come just because I'm me.

9. I have not been chewing out Michael Moore for not including felines in his movie about the medical industry. Again, I'm a cat. I really don't have much to say about this, other than I'm against ANYTHING that allows Karen to take me more often to that place with the wretched man who sticks a cold tube up my ass, with very little apologies. He does this and then shines a light in my eyes and I'm the one who gets in trouble for making an attempt on his life.

There are some things I just don't understand.

Anyway, my absence has nothing to do with anything other than I didn't feel like working much during the day and when I did feel like writing Karen was home and allegedly needed to use the computer for "work". We had a nasty fight over this. I had Sadie barf in her underwear drawer.

Alls Fair in Love and War


Thomma Lyn said...

I'm glad you're back, Penelope!

Marilyn MonREOW said...

Me, too! *smile*

Chairman Mao said...

And me, too! *spazz!*

Dawn said...

Don't encourage Sadie to barf anywhere, Penelope. It's not nice! Really it isn't! A cat of your quality must rise above such minor irritations.

Penelope said...

First you tell me not to kill Sadie. Now you tell me I can't ask Sadie to do the one task thing she really excels?

Picky picky.

-- P