I am the Elizabeth Taylor of the feline world.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

The Limbaugh Kidnapping

My Favorite News Story that I Missed Due to Ike sans Tina:

O.J. Simpson

I wrote about this last year:

Personally, I think it's wonderful-- O.J. Simpson might spend the rest of his life in jail over stolen football jerseys. What else can I say-- karma's a real bugger.

Open Letter to Rush Limbaugh

Dear Mr. Limbaugh:

Friday you mentioned that the three husbands of the women who called into your show today should be giving thanks because you listened to them and soothed their concerns regarding America turning to crap (my words not yours or theirs), thus said husbands will have a calm and tranquil evening upon returning home from the office.

Clearly, you have a false understanding of women. Yes, you did listen to them. Nonetheless, they are still pissed. I can guarantee these women probably are still whining about their fears regarding ole Barry, as they fix martinis for their husbands upon their arrivals home from work.

I've lived with a female human for seven years. I can listen to her rant and rave until I want to barf. It doesn't end until she decides she's ready for it to end. Period. It's called free will, bucko. The chickas have it. You, self-important radio man, simply do not have that control, regardless of whatever condescending crap speech you decide to spew.

If you feel that I am mistaken, please contact me. I will send you Karen. Karen will be very angry, as, no offense, she does not like you. If you can talk her out of the tree and, well, survive. I will concede I am wrong about your powers over the ladies.

I'm not seeing this as all that feasible. In fact, I have no idea how I would even send you Karen. I guess you could kidnap her. If you decide to do this, remember to take her cell phone because she's looking for a story to sell the Enquirer. Otherwise, I think she wouldn't be too difficult to nab.

-- P

Scenes from Karen's Family and Her Influence (or lack thereof) Over Them

Karen tried to get her family to appreciate Bridget Jones' Diary.

It didn't work.

I think her mom kind of liked it. Kind of.

Her dad said:

"Is this what we have to watch? Because this is seriously boring."

"Why can't we watch a western?"

So much for that, I guess.

More on Karen

Karen wants me to start posting pictures of her house.

Like a lot of them

All of the time.

In fact every time we chat she mentions pictures and I should post them.

First of all, the house right now looks like crap. I've seen the pictures. Granted there are walls and stuff, but mainly it's still a mess of concrete and coke cans with a Jiffy John in the yard. Furthermore, I've told you guys that I have no intention of living in that place, so why should I post pictures of it.

However, since I just mentioned to Rush Limbaugh that it would be OK for him to attempt a kidnapping of Karen, I probably should throw her a bone.

Here's the plan: I will post one picture a week in the sidebar of Karen's house. Just one. Not one hundred. Just one. I'm not doing it now though. I'll do it soon.

Anyway, I'm tired. I'm off to bed.

Go 'Stros


Mr. Shife said...

Yeah Rush can suck a muffler. Never liked the dude. Sorry about the 'Stros. I am definitely pulling for the Dodgers to take the Cubs down. You know it is funny about OJ because if the economy was not in the toilet the media would be giving us nothing but OJ 24/7. I guess that is one good thing about economy sucking farts.

Melissa said...

RL is a Big Fat Liar AND clueless.