I am the Elizabeth Taylor of the feline world.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Other Topics Regarding Vampire Sex

No, I am not writing today about vampire sex. I don't think vampires "do it". I could be wrong about this, but I think it falls into the same category as food consumption. Vampires, to my limited knowledge anyway, don't eat either.

I'm just looking for more hits. It's kinda like what I did with ole Rush Limbaugh a while back.

And Speaking of Ole Rushbo

Did you know that he was one of Barbara Walter's "Ten Most Fascinating People"? I don't know how "fascinating" he is, but allegedly he's got like a kajillion listeners daily.

We here at I don't pretend to be an ordinary cat think that ole Rush owes us some thanks. If it weren't for the blog probably he'd have fewer listeners. And most likely Barbara Walters wouldn't even know his name. After all, I'm still getting lots of hits regarding Rush Limbaugh's Cat.

You know he reads the blog, right? When I mention his name I magically get hits out of Palm Beach, Florida, where he lives.

I would like it if Mr. Limbaugh would comment.

I won't bite, Mr. Limbaugh, I PROMISE. . .

Anyway, I got a lot to talk about so hold on. . .

The Tree

In my last post I failed to mention whether or not Karen bought the tree. The answer to this question is, yes, Karen did indeed purchase the Christmas tree.

I don't like it as much as our old one or the tree at Karen's parents' house. First of all, Karen bought one of those trees in a pot that stand quite tall and narrow. It is impossible for me to hide underneath and jump out at people, biting them on the ankles, the one thing I enjoy most about the Christmas season.

Second, Karen told me originally that she would put the tree in the entry hall. I was totally excited about this, as it meant I could attack people as they entered the house. But no, Karen decided to put the tree in the corner of the living room.

"It's a good place for a Christmas tree, Penelope," she told me. "And it's rude, not to mention embarrassing, to attack the guests anyway."

Whatever, by now they should know it's coming.

PLAXICO: The Most Awesome News Story Since Victoria Osteen had a Histrionic Fit on the Airplane

Are you people following this?

Actually there isn't anything to really follow. It's just funny.

CNN ran a commentary this morning regarding ole Plaxico, and the journalist didn't quite comprehend why, during this time of chaos, disaster and economic turmoil, the media would obsess over this news story.

Well, I can tell you why: it is FUNNY.

The dude goes into a nightclub, packing heat, puts the gun in the waistband of his sweatpants, and it goes off, shooting him in the thigh.

First of all, who wears sweatpants to a nightclub? That's just tacky.

Second of all, what DUMBASS puts a gun in an elastic waistband anyway?

Third, NO ONE noticed the events as they unfolded. The dude was able to get to the ER, lie about what happened, and give them a fake name before all hell broke loose.

In my expert opinion, Plaxico won at a game of Russian roulette with Darwin, who was aiming for something other than his thigh and missed. It's called survival of the fittest, my friends, and Plaxico clearly doesn't need to reproduce.

Vampires and Such

I just finished Twilight not that long ago.

I got bored at the end.

I'm not getting some stuff. This might be because I'm a cat and am far superior to you human being types. But regardless, if you have the answers, please enlighten me.

Question One:

Why would anyone hang out with a vampire? Even an allegedly "good" vampire. They kill humans somewhat arbitrarily. It isn't personal. I'm sure there are very nice vampires who are pleasant and such. But still they are quite homicidal by nature.

Question Two:

Edward is freakin' moody. I get that teenager girls dig that, but why? I asked Karen this and she didn't have much of an answer, other than "an appreciation for the self loathing". Whatever.

Question Three:

OK, are any of you people vampire book experts? Of the few I've read it seems that the vampires are all haunted by something from their mortal past. I've also noticed they are frequently either flaming gay or leaning that way. Regardless, all literary vampires are beautiful (what is the other perk of vampireness, I guess.) What is my question? I don't remember. Am I right about this???

Facebook is Putting a Cramp in My Style

Freaking Karen is now on Facebook. She is also addicted to Facebook, thus using the computer far too often so I can't do what I want to do.

"Am I not gone from 6:30 in the morning until four or five every evening?" she yelled at me waving her hands all about. "Get off your ass and stop sleeping sixteen hours and blog during the day."

Whatever. That's not when I want to blog. I want to blog, well, when I want to blog. I think Karen should appriciate this.

My biggest concern is that in two weeks Karen will be gone for Christmas vacation. So then I guess I'm really screwed.

Karen should just get me my own computer. She laughed at the suggestion, by the way.


Go 'Stros


BlueBella said...

That tree doesn't look very suitable for climbing, either. Wow - Karen really is a fun hater!

Mom In Scrubs said...

I DO read lots of vampire novels (if you can call them that). I suppose it adds to the intrigue that they are haunted by their pasts...after all they have quite a lot of past to be haunted by, generally speaking.

I haven't read Twilight though. I sometimes get sick of the angst in the "grownup" vampire fiction. I don't think I could take the addition of teen angst!

Boo on the tree. Penelope, if Karen really loved you she would chuck that tree and give you the tree of your dreams for the holidays. After all, it's only once a year you get such great cover for ambushing people, right?


Mr. Shife said...

Well I am glad Karen got that tree. She certainly deserves it. And be sure to tell her that Mrs. Shife is doing fine. We have about 15 weeks to go, and we are going to our first baby class tomorrow. Also regarding vampire sex. Those vampires on HBO's "True Blood" should like to have a lot of it. But it is not TV. It is HBO. And only stuff on TV is true.

Mr. Shife said...

I just wanted you to know that I can say with 100% certainty that you are the first person to tell me that I am Larry David. Thank you. I enjoy his HBO show very much.