I am the Elizabeth Taylor of the feline world.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

I am Uplifted

Have you missed me???

We've been quite busy as of late. Karen is obsessively working on the house so we can get it on the market soon, as in the end of the month. It's been wild; paint dripped on me when I took a nap underneath the step ladder.

Karen should be neater.

What else can I tell you . . .

I've been reading Karen's emails lately and something has been bugging me: those cutesy little quotes that are supposed to be uplifting and inspiring. We here at "I don't pretend to be an ordinary cat" are neither uplifting or inspiring, even on a good day.

I prefer snide and cynical.

Anyway, Karen and I were discussing this the other day and she agrees with me as well. According to her, it would be more entertaining to have something wildly inappropriate, just to see if anyone would notice.


Thus, may I present to you:

Quotes I would put at the bottom of my email at work if . . .

A. I had a job.

B. I didn't care much about keeping said job.

C. I wasn't concerned about being sued.

"Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality." -- Oscar Wilde

"Any war that requires the suspension of reason as a necessity for support is a bad war." -- Norman Mailer

"A little bad taste is like a nice dash of paprika." -- Dorthy Parker

"In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination." -- Mark Twain

"Does it really matter what those affectionate people do-- so long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses!" -- Mrs. Patrick Campbell

"Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed." -- George Burns

"Here's a tip for you: The next time you have the world by the balls, don't twist them." -- Drew Carey

"Sex is the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy." -- Steve Martin

Go 'Stros


Reb said...

Love your quotes, too bad you got painted though.

Merry said...

Quotes! I love quotes! I collect 'em. (Okay, I steal them.)

One quote that I rarely use on my emails is from Monty Python and the Holy Grail:

"Can't I just have a little peril?"

Mr. Shife said...

Sorry to hear about that you got paint on you. Hopefully Karen will be neater. I love the quotes. My favorites were the Mark Twain and Drew Carey ones.

Crabby McSlacker said...

Oh boy, moving! What fun!

(Er, you may want to steer clear of Karen for a while. Just sayin'.)

Emily said...

I agree that the inspirational quotes are mostly crap...especially when they come along with pictures of teddy bears or kittens (no offence Penelope- you are a cat and they are different) and they urge you to hug a baby to make your day more fulfulling *gag*

I like the Drew Carey one the best- I used to watch that show all the time but I don't think it comes on anymore around here.

Thanks for visiting me! I've enjoyed your blog from afar for a while now : )

Travis Erwin said...

Painting the kitty. That sounds like some kind of new sexual slang term.

billy pilgrim said...

i thought you might go with a robert heinlein quote:

never try to outstubborn a cat.