"Wasted away again in Margaritaville . . . "

I love the hurricanes.

It brings out the stupidity in everyone, including us.

Karen went to the local Super Target last night, already out of bottled water, and she overheard two middle aged women in short shorts talking about their hurricane plans:

"Yeah, I'm having an evacuation party. I'm inviting Jack and Margarita and Jose Cuevero and we're all going to have a good time."

Great. That's all we need: drunken chicks in the middle of a hurricane.

Karen, Sadie and I have been GLUED to the TV all morning, trying to get more information so we can make an educated decision about whether or not to flee like the Joads close to midweek.

We watch the local news for good information. In our experience, the dudes at CNN and the other national news sources work more on fear and sensationalism than on helping people come up with plans prestorm. They like to send a nut job (aka reporter who does not fear God) into the storm and said nut job hangs out in the rain talking about how hard the wind is blowing and how wet they are standing in the rain.

Speaking of reporters, I miss Dan Rather. He's the master of nut jobs covering hurricanes. I don't care about all that alleged B.S. with ole George the younger's "service" in the National Guard. Even in the latter part of his career, he was still mid storm, standing in rising water, covering the hurricanes for those of us fascinated with weather train wrecks, just like he did in Galveston during Hurricane Carla in 1961.

This, by the way, was the first live television broadcast of a hurricane.

Post storm the networks do a better job with the human interest stuff. I am grateful to the national news sources (and local down here) which showed us the death and devastation in New Orleans two years ago. If we depended on our wonderful government to do this, well, we probably wouldn't know what happened in New Orleans those wretched hours post storm.

Notice I said "post storm". Hurricanes aren't great by any stretch of the imagination. But perhaps if the scumbag bureaucracies both state AND nationally would have kept that levee in good repair then the catastrophe post storm would have been significantly less.

Whatever. All reporting is repetitive at this moment. It looks like after ole Dean plows through Jamaica and the Yucatan Peninsula, it will blow into northern Mexico Wednesday mid morning.

If it does that, we shall stay home and watch the rain.

However, hurricanes virtually NEVER go where the meteorologists think they will. Typically they veer north. The plan mentioned above works if the eye hits south of Corpus Christi. If it looks like it'll hits north of that area, we'll go somewhere, either west or north of town or all the way to Austin.

Karen wanted me to send out thoughts and prayers to those in the Yucatan and Jamaica. We wish you the best under the horrific circumstances you will face soon.

Other things I'd like to talk about, but don't have the time right now:
1. Democratic Iowa Debate
2. Sadie the Tuna Thief
3. John Edwards' hair (president Good Hair???)
4 Anti wrinkle pizza (http://www.thatsfit.com/2007/08/13/anti-wrinkle-pizza)
5. The melodrama of CNN

Thoughts for later this week. Hopefully, it'll happen . . .

Just in Time for Back to School

A New York City high school principal hired her neighbor to perform a Santeria ritual to rid the school of "negative energy".

Once again, I could not make this up:

http://www.wtopnews.com/index.php?nid=456&sid=1212496

The way I look at it, you gotta do what you gotta do. Kids are bad. All of them. I have no use for the whole lot. The little ones eat out of my bowl and pull my tail and then I get into trouble when I make any attempt upon their life. As they get older they progress into shooting water guns in my direction. And then I'm expected to be nice?

Yeah, that's going to happen.

Anyway, over the winter break last school year, this principal hired her neighbor to perform a ritual involving chicken blood, cigar smoking, and incense on the fourth floor of the high school.

When the teachers returned to work they did notice the strange smoky air and the smell of incense.

They probably blamed it on the kids.

She invited the assistant principal to join her. She also coerced her out of $900 to pay for part of the ritual.

I asked Karen what she would do if her boss asked her to join in a Santeria ritual and then expected her to pay for it. She said she would first stall her boss by mentioning trying to get an "educator's discount" out of the neighbor.

Finally, Karen would totally fink out her boss.

"There's is no way I'd give $900 for a ritual cleansing," she told me. "Removal of negative energy is not in my job description and I'd tell my boss that most articulately."

I would now like to point out that THIS DID NOT HAPPEN IN TEXAS.

Strange things in the public school system.

I blame John Dewey.

Go 'Stros.

Hank Aaron Rules

The stars at night are big and bright . . .

"Personally, I felt like the Texas pledge had a big old hole in it, and it occurred to me, 'You know what? We need to fix that,' " said Debbie Riddle, R-Tomball.

This issue has so many problems. Let's start with the obvious:

Did you know Texas has its own pledge?

Remember, Texas is the only state in the union which was ever its own country.

Thus, our loyalties are a little offkilter from most Americans.

Anyway, the pledge is:

"Honor the Texas flag; I pledge allegiance to thee, Texas, one and indivisible."

Now add "one state under God" after "Texas" and before "one".

Personally, I don't see the pledge as "having a hole in it". I see it as ridiculous in its original form and awkward as all get out in its new and improved format.

First of all, Texas is NOT "one and indivisible". Part of statehood was an agreement that if necessary Texas could be divided into as many as five states.

That sounds pretty divisible to me.

Second, what exactly am I pledging allegiance to?

Willie Nelson?

Governor Good Hair?

Nolan Ryan?

Odd or Drunken Astronauts?

Michael Dell?

Janis Joplin?

Sam Houston?

The pledge to the Texas flag was ordained into existence 1933. Schools were mandated to give children the opportunity to say it daily during the post 9/11 days, along with the pledge to the U.S. flag, of course.

I would like to know if Rep. Riddle has ever read any of the Psalms. In his writing, King David didn't just randomly throw out statements of praise and glory. His words were meticulously chosen and crafted, creating art in the name of God.

If we must name drop in the state pledge, I think we owe the maker at least a minimal effort in the creative process.

This issue has now irritated me. I'm off to take a nap.

By the way, as of now there have been 3,664 American casualties in Iraq.

Suburban Goats

One of my neighbors most recently procured a goat.

I watch it every morning while Karen is getting dressed for work and complaining about the goat making such a racket (were you aware that goats made noise-- I wasn't). It hangs in the backyard, with what looks like a black lab. The dog is allowed house privileges. The goat does not receive such luxuries, it appears.

If I were the goat I'd complain.

Karen has two concerns about the goat:

1. The goat is loud.

2. The goat should not eat her fence.

Sadie is scared of the goat, surprise surprise. When she hears it she runs off and hides.

I really don't care that much about the goat. My question is why, even in redneck Hell, would someone need a goat in the suburbs?

Are they milking it?

Does this mean they don't have to mow the yard anymore?

Anyone out in cyberland know the purpose of a goat? If you do, please let me know, as I'm quite curious about this issue.

Queen of the Harpies

I'm cleaning out my files of unpublished work. This one was written last month. I have no idea why I didn't publish it at the time. Enjoy!

"The things she has said over the years, not just about John but about other candidates, lowers the political dialogue at precisely the time we need to raise it."
-- Elizabeth Edwards regarding Ann Coulter

Lord have mercy, it's going to be a long fifteen months.

So let me get this straight: Elizabeth Edwards is whining about Ann Coulter, queen of the harpies, insulting her husband?

In life there are few absolutes. One of them is that all Democrats are to be insulted by Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh. Conversly, Republicans are to be insulted by Bill Mahr, Jon Stewart, and Jay Leno.

Furthermore, everyone shall be criticized by me, Penelope the cat.

If you can't handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

Has it occurred to anyone in D.C. that the best way to handle a harpie is to IGNORE said harpie? It's like the philosophical question: if a tree falls and no one is around, does it make a noise?

What purpose does it serve to go after ole Ann? Does Mrs. Edwards expect Coulter to hear her comments and in an moment of clarity repent from her evil ways?

And then Mrs. Edwards and Ms. Coulter go shoe shopping arm in arm?

Not bloody likely my friends.

Yes, I think the level of "political dialogue" in this country needs to be change. But whining about the blonde bully isn't raising "political dialogue". I don't think anyone argues that Ann Coulter isn't nasty. But she's not the only one, and Americans are very accepting of this genre of irony (I'm giving Coulter the benefit of the doubt-- mostly I see her as mean spirited).

Whatever.

I'm about ready for elimination time. The shenanigans of this little group of backbiting ladder- climbers we're calling "presidential candidates" is getting old. Fix our little self inflicted problem in the middle east, end terrorism, improve our medical care, make REAL improvements to the education system (as opposed to No Child Left Behind) and take care of children in poverty. Stop worrying about who is sleeping with whom and discriminating against people who make lifestyle choices in which some Americans don't approve.