I am the Elizabeth Taylor of the feline world.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

Rush Limbaugh's Cat

"My cat -- here's how you can get fooled. My cat comes to me when she wants to be fed. I have learned this. I accept it for what it is. Many people in my position would think my cat's coming to me because she loves me. Well, she likes me, and she is attached, but she comes to me when she wants to be fed. And after I feed her -- guess what -- she's off to wherever she wants to be in the house, until the next time she gets hungry. She's smart enough to know she can't feed herself. She's actually a very smart cat. She gets loved. She gets adoration. She gets petted. She gets fed. And she doesn't have to do anything for it, which is why I say this cat's taught me more about women, than anything my whole life. But we put voices in their mouths."
-- Rush Limbaugh


Rush Limbaugh made this statement over a year ago. According to Karen the comment explains why Mr. Limbaugh has been married three times.

I was offended as well. How dare Limbaugh compare my species to humankind? Mortal women are way needier than cats. I know this because I live with one and I've heard her analyze and decipher all kinds of ridiculousness with friends (female ones). Karen calls this "talking". I call it "absurd", "needy", or just plain "stupid" and it's tying up the phone line when I'm waiting to hear from Les Moonves regarding the terms of my reality show.

(Stop laughing-- if those yahoos who live in Hugh Hefner's house can have one why not me???)

Anyway . . .

Mr. Limbaugh doesn't comprehend the reality of his domestic life. He lives in the home of a cat. Not the other way around. Anyone who disagrees with this has obviously never experienced life with a cat. Furthermore, if he doesn't take care of his job as the man who lives in the home of the cat (or hire someone to take care of these responsibilities), said cat will send him on his merry way.

Period

Granted, Karen and I have our ups and downs but she knows what I expect of her and she knows the consequences for not completing those tasks. For the most part, she does a half-ass job and I either accept it or I retaliate by having Sadie vomit on random objects in the house. This is much easier than packing her stuff and putting it out by the front door while she's at work.

Limbaugh better watch out. Pumpkin (Limbaugh's cat-- I looked this up) might reconsider the relationship. Probably she won't just leave him. Here are some things Pumpkin might consider as revenge to her master:

Actually, I don't think I'm revealing feline secrets here. If ole Pumpkin has a plan I don't want to give the details away.

I haven't listened to Rush Limbaugh in quite a while. If any of you guys are fans, please send him over to my blog so that he may be enlightened. Perhaps he will have what alcoholics (or drug addicts) call a moment of clarity and begin spreading good will to all mankind.

Not bloody likely, through.

10 comments:

~SUV Mama~ said...

Rush says Pumpkin is smart enough to know she can't feed herself, and then compares that to women.

His moment of enlightenment should include the astounding thought that cats, indeed, do know how to feed themselves. But then again, as you mentioned, El Rushbo has an issue keeping women (and perhaps cats) around.

Poor Pumpkin. I say she kicks him to the curb.

Penelope said...

That's a good point.

Occasionally, Sadie has a binging moment (she's bulimic-- we've discussed intervention) and eats all the food Karen left for us that day. If I get hungry I go to the cabinet where Karen keeps the food container and I knock it over onto the floor, scattering Cat Chow all over the kitchen.

Gotta do what you've gotta do . . .

-- P

Reb said...

Penelope, you are so right, Pumpkin should just kick him to the curb. It is a wonder that with an attitude like that about women and cats that Pumpkin has stayed as long she has! Or maybe she just thinks she has a retarded human pet and feels sorry for him?

Happy New Year to you, Karen and Sadie.

the Bag Lady said...

Rush who? :) (WTF kinda name is 'Rush', anyway? Did his mama have some weird experience when giving birth? Oo what a feeling, what a... you know)
He's actually been married...HOW many times? Who knew there were that many women in the world too stupid to....feed themselves.

Travis Erwin said...

Maybe Pumpkin hangs around for the stray Oxy-Cotin pill.

Penelope said...

Reb--

Sometimes human idiocy is quite amusing. I frequently get a real charge watching Karen get dressed for work in the morning.


Bag Lady--

Rush Limbaugh is a conservative radio talk show host (syndicated all over America-- I don't know if he has a Canadian following or not). He's mildly amusing when he's not screaming about teacher spending too much time advocating Communism or other things that just aren't happening.

He also got into some trouble with perscription drugs, which is sad, although evidence that God has an overdeveloped sense of irony.


Travis--

Possibly

However, drug addiction is much too time consuming. Plus I've heard some of these substances keep you from sleeping. I like to sleep.

-- P

the Bag Lady said...

So is Rush the antidote to Howard Stern?
Actually, the Bag Lady has heard OF Rush Limbaugh, (she just doesn't listen TO him) and it seems to her that he at one point or another, criticized Canada for not joining in the war on Iraq (gosh, now was that him, or someone else? Oh, wait, only about half the journalists in America criticized us - it's hard to keep them all straight) -- which was about the same time the Bag Lady stopped listening to any of the ultra-conservative windbags on American television...
Drugs, you say? Golly, what a surprise...

Parker said...

Rush has always been wrong on so many levels. I just plain feel bad for Pumpkin...

Crabby McSlacker said...

Oh my goodness. That comment of his made me want to go to his house and vomit on his furniture, and I'm not even a cat.

Penelope said...

Bag Lady--
My apologies on behalf of all Americans. However, can you say "I told you so"!!!

Parker--
Don't feel too bad for Pumpkin. You know how these things work. If she gets tired of his ridiculousness she'll pee in his bed.

Crabster--
The retaliation of a cat is beautiful isn't it???

--P