I am the Elizabeth Taylor of the feline world.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Operation Rush Limbaugh: We Shall Perservere

OK, so this is what happened Friday:

6 am: I woke Karen up and told her that today was the day. She turned over and told me that Rush Limbaugh wasn't at all interested in hearing from anyone at six in the morning.

7:30 am: Karen is up and around and dressed. I again reminded her of what needed to happen. She told me if I mentioned this again before nine, she would go to the mall and not come back until three.

9 am: I gave Karen my well thought out plan: she would start calling at ten-- an hour before the show begins-- and she would tell him that she was calling for me, Penelope the Cat, and that I wanted to thank him for bringing so many readers to the blog. I also told her to SAY the web address on the air as well. Then I mentioned that she should suggest being his honorary mistress in Texas.

That might of been a mistake.

9:05 am: Karen told me that all bets were off, as she was not property to give away to a conservative radio host (Karen can be so haughty sometimes).

9:20 am: I told her she didn't have to suggest mistressdome if she got the blog address on the air.

9:21 am: She agreed to call

9:55 am: Karen began calling

10:03 am: Karen continued calling.

10:10 am: Karen continued calling

10:15 am: Karen began to get testy. She told me this needed to be much simpler.

10:20 am: Karen went to the bathroom (much to my dismay). She continued to call.

10:23 am: Karen took a "break" from calling. This break included reading part of the new David Sedaris book and loosing my place.

11:00 am: We began listening to Mr. Limbaugh's show. This didn't last long, as when he said "skewl teachers" it kind of pissed off Karen. Oh you should have heard her:

"Skewl teacher my ass. I give him one day at my job and he'd drown. How dare he use such an insulting pretentious tone," she said, once again waving her hands all around.

At this point the calling stopped.

But for some weird reason, Karen continued to listen.

And then was the song.

Mr. Limbaugh featured the song "How to Handle a Woman". This wasn't good. I'm not even going to repeat what Karen said here, as I don't want to upset Mr. Limbaugh.

So basically, I think Operation Rush Limbaugh will have to change forms. I think I might send him an email instead (when I do I'll publish it for you), as I just don't think Karen will spend another Friday attempting to make those calls. Besides, even if she did, I don't think anything positive will come of it.

Anyway. . .

In Other News:

I heard about this on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me. And again, I could not make this up:


This is an Internet service that will, for forty smackers, leave messages for your loved ones who are not taken "first round", so to speak, a la Left Behind style. Basically they have like six people they feel won't be left behind and if these guys don't log into the system for six days straight the emails start going out.

There are so many complicated issues to be discussed about this little scam, theologically, spiritually, ETHICALLY, etc. But mainly in my circle this just provoked a conversation about souls.

Basically, the debate was not "do all dogs go to heaven" or "do all cats go to heaven"? No, the debate was "does Penelope go to heaven"?

Being that I am a cat and have no schooling in Christian theology, I haven't given this much thought. I would assume however, being that I am Penelope the Cat, I would gain entrance to whatever establishment crosses my path.

Karen said that she could not find any evidence about pets in heaven or not. She was not willing to commit to the idea that all animals have souls, but she did say that "her pets do".

Isn't that sweet? And this was right after I jumped out of a cabinet and tried to kill her.

Karen's mom said outright that she didn't think I was going to heaven. Basically she cited my "behavioral issues".

Evil Jeff not only said that I wasn't getting into heaven, but he also thought I would be guarding the gates of Hell.

Oh what does he even know?


SUV MAMA said...

Penelope- I thought you were kidding about the website.Will anyone pay for this? At any rate, I appreciate the laugh.

As for Karen & Rush, I think it was great that she tried to call. I will have to see if I can google the song on a day when I feel like being really irritated. Do send an email to el rushbo. Perhaps it will even make it on the radio, and Karen won't have to wait to talk to the pretentious prick in person.

billy pilgrim said...

is it true that george bush believes in the rapture?

i've never figured out if he's sincerely born again or if it's just part of the act.

Crabby McSlacker said...

If there's a heaven without Penelope in it I wouldn't want to go there.

Not that there's a chance in, well, hell, that I'd end up there.