I am the Elizabeth Taylor of the feline world.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Schools Out for Summer, but not for Rush Limbaugh

It's Official

I'm sick and tired of politics.

HillBilly will continue or not. Period. Either way, we don't need to hear day long speculation.

Karen is also boycotting The View, as they spent like FOREVER talking about this and gave Colin Firth all of five minutes.

You don't shorten the Firth's time. That is, unless you want to hear about it from Karen.

Interesting fact: Firth has FIVE movies coming out this summer. Karen is in heaven.

It's Official Again

Karen got a three digit reading on her car thermometer yesterday.

Summer has begun.

Canadians suck.

My Novel About School Teachers

If I ever write a book about teachers, I would include one of the following:

1. Teachers desperately wanting to check out and go home and administrators desperately wanting them to stay until three.


2. Administrators desperately wanting to leave and teachers not ready to check out after five minutes of arriving in the building.

Either is pretty funny.

This concept is inspired by Karen, a decade plus veteran of public schools. She's been in three educational settings and this issue has been a small annoyance each year.

Small in that how mad can you be? IT'S THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!

One school let you leave whenever you finished checking out. You got the checkout sheet like a week ahead of time, so you could do some of it early. If you weren't done by ten, someone was out looking for you, tapping their foot impatiently.

Although technically, you had until four.

Another school had a big assembly at eight, which lasted until about tenish (announcing retirees, teachers of the year and such), a breakfast shortly following, and then you got the check out sheets.

And the administrators disappeared

And reappeared for five minutes

And disappeared again

And reappeared for ten minutes

And went to lunch

And the principal wouldn't do the final sign off until three.

I asked Karen which was worse. According to her, although she really wanted to be home by noon, she'd rather spend a few more hours at work than to have someone breathing down her neck being all impatient, as that person booked a flight she should have scheduled later than noon on a workday.

Hypothetically speaking, of course

Other Funny Things About Teachers:

Elementary teachers, as a whole, are perky. At the assemblies announcing important things that happened during the year at individual schools, they do one of the following when anything related to their school is announced:

A. Whoop

B. Stand up and shout

C. Bring instruments, such as cowbells, and use them LOUDLY

They also have a tendency to match.

Karen said it takes too much energy to be an elementary teacher. She says that if she wrote a book about elementary school teachers she'd have someone sampling the Ritalin.

High school teachers are a little more dry. Some of them cross the line from dry to sarcastic. Some of them cross the line from sarcastic to bitter.

Many of them want to jump the elementary school teacher, who just ingested three cups of Starbucks, ringing that wretched cowbell.

Some of them are just plain crazy.

Speaking of just plain crazy, someone, sitting in that assembly, is hungover, at least in my book.

Someone has a deep seeded hatred towards the newly named teacher of the year. It could be for a number of reasons, it really doesn't matter. But the great part comes when the name is read you can vaguely hear that person, five or six rows back, say, over the cowbells and thunderous claps:


At least in my book.

NOTE: None of these things happened this year to Karen. In all honesty, according to her it was a fairly tame end-of-the-year check out. She was even home well before three. Some of these things have happened in the past, not exactly in the shape or form I presented them. Some of these things were modified from past events in the to protect the idiots who behave like asses FREQUENTLY. But all events have some grain of truth, as relayed from Karen.

Update on Operation Rush Limbaugh
I'm still working on Karen. Now she's saying she might be teaching summer school. Since she doesn't get out of summer school until 12:30, calling Mr. Limbaugh becomes an impossibility.

I told her to blow off summer school.

She told me she wanted to buy a new refrigerator and summer school is easy money (7:30- 12:30 five days a week 25 bucks an hour-- you do the math).


Summer school ends sometime before the fourth of July. We might have to delay operation Rush Limbaugh until then.

However . . .

We're getting a lot of hits out of South Palm Beach. I KNOW that Mr. Limbaugh is reading this. He needs to cut us a break. Other celebrities get breaks. They don't have to ask their assistants to sit on hold for hours on end. He needs to give us his PRIVATE number and allow us the luxury to call in at our leisure.

I still haven't mentioned the mistress thing. I figure one thing at a time.

I'll get back with you tomorrow

Go 'Stros


Anonymous said...

Tell Karen she got it exactly right. This was HILARIOUS!!!

(coming from a former elementary teacher of a decade plus)

I've seen it all.

--brenda e

Mom In Scrubs said...

Wow, you teachers must be a rowdy lot! Assemblies, awards, and check-outs? Makes me tired just thinking about it.

Perky. Is. Not. A. Virtue.


billy pilgrim said...

gosh, this is as bad as learning santa wasn't the real goods. i thought all my teachers worshiped me and never wanted to go home whilst there were precious children needing tending.

the Bag Lady said...

Canadians suck, eh?