I am the Elizabeth Taylor of the feline world.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Norwegian Terrorists

Dudes, is this not exciting or what???

The next leader of the free world might be determined by TEXANS.

That's right, Iowans. The power is back to the people.

Anyway, I am a cat and it seems I am not allowed to vote (bastard Americans, so closed minded). Regardless, I have some opinions and I feel a need to express them.

Who Do You Want to Take that Three A.M. Phone Call???

Let's start with the obvious: if you were married to Bill "depends on your definition of is" Clinton, your phone might be ringing a little more often in the middle of the night, too. Think about it. You're the new leader of the free world and a total eager beaver, ready for anything. Low and behold the red phone rings at three am.

"Hello?"

"Hi, this is Crystal from Scores. Bill left his wallet at the club. Just tell him to call my cell."

Don't get me wrong, I don't have any serious bones against the better half of HillBilly. I'm just saying that the commercial is a little dramatic and I immediately went to thoughts of former President Clinton receiving "top secret" phone calls regarding "serious security issues" pretty frequently, if you know what I mean.

Although the question is provoking: who do you want to answer that super important top secret phone call at three in the morning?

I can tell who shouldn't have this job: Karen.

Sadie and I, again, are cats. Sometimes, after a long day of sleeping, we like to let loose in the evening, or sometime after midnight. We eat, drink, socialize. Sometimes we have guests who just appear in the backyard, ready for some partying as well. Occasionally, things get a little wild and Sadie starts hissing and freaking at our backyard guests, and sometimes something like the garbage can in the kitchen gets knocked over. Karen has no patience for the commotion and starts freaking out.

That isn't particularly "presidential" behavior after all.

Now consider this: the President of France is calling to inform Karen, leader of the free world in this scenario, that his country has been invaded by a bunch of Norwegian terrorists. As we all know, Nordic terrorists are not going to invade during the middle of the afternoon. So as the French are sleeping (or taking a cigarette break) those crazy Nordes come in, bringing with them legalized drugs, but no weapons, as again, these are northern Europeans and not Texans.

And President Karen gets the call right smack dab in the middle of the night.

It would not be an attractive conversation. Karen is very mean spirited when you interrupt her sleep. She'd make a nasty comment, regarding World War II and "speaking German", if you know what I mean.

And now, we have an international incident, involving the French, Norwegian terrorists, possibly some hallucinogenics, and President Karen throwing out sixty- year- old war bitterness.

What a wholly mess.

Anyway . . .

Did you know that in Texas, the infamous exit level English/ Language Arts test was delayed a day so that schools, frequent polling places, wouldn't have to deal with both the dramatics of testing and crazy freakin' voters.

Anyway, wish the children good luck tomorrow. We want them to pass their exit test, graduate from high school, go to college and get good jobs because, not surprisingly, I'm not supporting them.

Go 'Stros.

6 comments:

Travis Erwin said...

I did my part and voted.

Reb said...

Love your scenario, Penelope. I can just see the Norwegians invading France. Along with the legalized drugs though they would be bringing in minimalist furnishings, which in France would never do!

the Bag Lady said...

Sheesh, those freakin' Vikings are at it AGAIN!!?? The French would probably rather have the drugs than lutefisk!

Mr. Shife said...

I thought the same things when I saw that 3 am commercial from Hillary. I am pretty sure she has gotten a few of them over her marriage to Bill.

R2K said...

: )

Crabby McSlacker said...

I have not seen the 3am commercial but your version seems quite a bit more amusing.

I am not at my best at 3am, but then I wouldn't presume to have presidential aspirations.

Speaking of which, Penelope, are you sure you don't want to be the next President? With your nocturnal habits we'd be totally covered for 3 am crisis calls. (Though the other 23 hours of the day might need some thought, with you napping and all. Perhaps Karen could help).