Karen insisted we spend Mother's Day with her parents (neither of which is my mother, but whatever), so I've been out of commission since Friday.
So what can I tell you:
I've been really into environmentalism lately. I told Karen she should separate her aluminum cans for recycling (she's like a crack addict with the Diet Coke), as well as the paper (she goes through a lot of paper-- sometimes the study looks like a paper factory exploded). None of these things she's done. She's a busy woman, so I've forgiven her for this indiscretion, as long as she does her chores (put food in my bowl, clean the cat box, and pay the bills).
However, I was listening to Sheryl Crow on TV the other day and she suggested that it would make a significant difference in the amount of paper in landfills if people only used one sheet of toilet paper per trip to the facilities.
Thinking Karen would be proud of me for taking an interest in ecology (she usually is very encouraging), I told her about Ms. Crow's comments on the matter. Unfortunately, the response I got from Karen was quite crude, so I will not repeat it, as this is a family blog.
And then began the rant.
According to her, celebrities live a "do as I say not as I do" existence and expect middle America to follow ideals which they believe are significant, but don't follow these expectations themselves.
Her comment was that if Ms. Crow truly wanted to help the environment she should stop touring on that giant gas guzzling bus and start hanging out at home and riding her bike around town, instead of becoming "toilet paper Nazi".
"What do you bet that Sheryl Crow uses more than one sheet of toilet paper?" Karen shouted at me, waving her arms around like a mad woman. "Do you know what constitutes one sheet of toilet paper?"
Actually, no, I do not. I don't use toilet paper, other than to amuse myself by hitting the roll with my paws and having it accumulate onto the floor. Karen loves it when she comes home and sees an entire role all over the bathroom.
Anyway, I told her this couldn't be true.
Sheryl Crow a hypocrite?
The next thing she'll tell me that the Colbert Report has a liberal bias, or that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt weren't merely "good friends" before his divorce.
Is there no Santa Claus?
Did Oswald actually act alone?
Anyway, Karen told me to lay off the daytime TV. She says it's wrecking my brain. She gave me a biography of Marie Antoinette to read. According to her I should identify.
I've got to go. It's time for my late evening nap.