I am the Elizabeth Taylor of the feline world.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Phlem: It's nature's way of saying: "Dude, you're sick."

Karen has been fighting a cold since last week. She went to work like a good employee trying to quietly sabotage "the man" by getting everyone else sick, hence sending the American economy into an economic tailspin. Wednesday, Karen decided she had enough. Her throat hurt, she couldn't breathe and just was generally agitated. So she stayed home, and in the process was cramping my style.

5 am: Karen woke up. After realizing she wasn't going to work, she went back to sleep.

7 am: Karen woke up again finally. She stumbled downstairs, fed Sadie and I, and crashed on the couch.

7:05 am: Karen dozes and watched TV

10 am: Karen decides she needs drugs. Karen went to CVS to buy some hard core cold medication. She had to sign a form swearing that A.) Karen was not the CEO and president of a meth lab and B.) Karen would not use said product in any operation of said meth lab.

10:30 am: Karen comes home and crashes on the couch again.

11: Karen got bored of daytime TV, which consists of primary coverage, catastrophic tornadoes, and Heath Ledger.

11:03: Karen walks into the kitchen. She sees me sitting on the ledge in front of the kitchen window. Not overly happy, Karen scolded me and took me off the ledge.

This makes no sense. Karen says she doesn't want Sadie and I on the kitchen counter. I wasn't on the kitchen counter. I was on the ledge in front of the window, above the sink. I was sunbathing, for crying out loud. She never once saw me on the kitchen counter.

Who does she think she is? We don't live under the Patriot Act in this household. You have to have PROOF of these actions before she can start fussing and moving me.

11:05 am: I retaliated by biting Karen on the ankle twice as she walked upstairs, almost making her fall.

Hee- hee

11:06 am: Karen called me "homicidal", along with some other things I cannot repeat. I didn't think that was fair. I'm not saying I didn't make an attempt, but I wasn't successful. Therefore I don't think she can call me "homicidal".

Anyway . . .
11:23 am: Karen crawls back into bed. Puts Down with Love in DVD player

11:36 am: Karen falls asleep

2:00 pm: Karen wanders downstairs and plops down on the couch.

The couch is mine during the day. Everyone knows this. How dare she take my space?

2:20 pm: I am thirsty. Yes, I have a water dish, but that's not what I wanted. So I go over to Karen and start rubbing up against her hand as it dangled lifelessly from the couch. I got nothing. So then I jumped up on the couch and sat on her face.

2:21 pm: Karen started screaming at me, alleging that I was trying to kill her. I guess this was her way of refusing to turn on the water in the bathroom sink for me.
I am so about ready start feeding Sadie an excess of kitty treats and have her barf in the underwear drawer.

3:00 pm: Phone rings. I have no idea who called.

3:03 pm: Karen falls asleep AGAIN

4:30 pm: Karen decides she's hungry and fixes soup which she refuses to share with me.

5:30 pm: Karen falls asleep again.

7:00 pm: Watched Alfred Hitchcock movies (Vertigo, Rear Window).

8:00 pm: Karen realizes that she's delusional and can't possibly go to work. Calls in sick.

9:30 pm: Karen falls asleep

11:oo pm: Karen goes to bed

Thankfully, Karen is going back to work in the morning. She's functioning at about half capacity, but she isn't too concerned. I'm just relieved I'll have the house to myself tomorrow. After all, I'm a busy cat and I have plenty of things to do.


k said...

poor Penelope. Tell Karen to get well soon. ;-)

chickengirl said...

You too, huh?


SUV MAMA said...

Poor Karen! I hope she feels better soon.

Sorry, Penelope, but you sound slightly homicidal to me.

And if I were Karen and had to deal with cat hair in my snotty nose, I'd be truly homicidal.

Down with Love- the perfect stay at home sick movie.

Reb said...

Oh, poor Penelope, how dare she take over your couch! I must agree with her though on the homicidal tendencies showing through, you must be more subtle.

Hope Karen feels better soon.