I am the Elizabeth Taylor of the feline world.

Saturday, February 9, 2008

The Vacuum Solution

And now, another episode from Masterass Theater:

http://www.newsday.com/sports/baseball/yankees/ny-spclemens0209,0,5475476.story

Leave it to a human female to use human growth hormones for reasons of vanity.

Allegedly, that is.

Let me give you the reader's digest version of this story:

Allegedly, according to Brian McNamee, former trainer to the stars and major league congressional stoolie, he injected Human Growth Hormone (HGH) in Debbie Clemens', wife of Roger, stomach before a photo shoot with Sports Illustrated, in which the Debster was supposed to appear wearing a bikini.

According to the article I found her concern to be "having a man, not her husband", injecting her in the stomach.

So is injecting illegal substances outside of marriage some form of foreplay???

Whatever

I wasn't sure exactly why one would do this, so I did a little research on HGH and found this link:

http://amos.indiana.edu/library/scripts/hGH.html

Anyway, it still boils down to vanity. I asked Karen if she were posing for Sports Illustrated in a bikini would she use HGH.

According to Karen, HGH wouldn’t be her first move. Instead, Karen told me she would find someone who could attach vacuums to a variety of places on her body and just suck the fat out.

Then she would consider HGH.

"You have to prioritize the needs," she told me.

Anyway, I've been meaning to say some things about the congressional hearings, but have not due to time. This story I discovered today and couldn't resist. But now I want to talk about the important stuff:

We've all heard the back and forth blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, phone conversations, meetings, yes he did/ oh no he didn't, etc. baloney. Now we've got hypodermic needles, circa who knows when, allegedly stained with the blood of Roger Clemens.

Does anyone else find this creepy? It's like Monica Lewinsky having that dress after all that time with Clinton's, how should I say it, "little Bills" all over it. Why does one keep something like that around, if not for the purpose of extortion?

I'm not saying Clemens is as innocent as the driven snow. Professional sports are a nasty game and as I've said before, any time big bucks are attached to production, good luck with playing fair.

Regardless, Clemens should be careful. Barry Bonds didn't get indicted for possessing or using an illegal substance; he did however get indicted for lying about it under oath, as did Marion Jones.

Anyway, that's today's drama. And the good news: five days to the opening of spring training.

4 comments:

k said...

as soon as I can afford it, I am soooo getting one of those vacuum things attatched to my stomach.

the Bag Lady said...

The Bag Lady is pretty sure there is no vacuum big enough to do any good as far as her stomach is concerned. But if you're gonna dream, dream big...
Hope Karen is feeling better.

Reb said...

The things people will do to their bodies! Sheesh!

SUV MAMA said...

Penelope & Karen, you made my entire week. So much so that I haven't been able to think of a decent response, but I'm thinking of one. I'm blonde. It takes time in here. Plus, I'm so busy screwing up the environment by driving my offensive vehicle and ruining woman kind by my lack of profession. Or something.

At any rate, I thank you for this elite honor and shall post my award with pride.