I am the Elizabeth Taylor of the feline world.

Thursday, November 1, 2007

"I'm doin' it with class 'cause I've got a big ass."

I'm going to stop saying I've discovered the most vile "reality" television show.

Every time I say this, I find one just a little bit nastier than the last.

Karen suggested I stop spending so much time watching television and read a little more.

"Don't you have a book review to finish?" Karen asked.

Yes I do. And in good time I'll write it. Karen, who is still on my nasty list (see the post about Halloween), doesn't need to boss me around though. This is my freakin' blog, for Pete's sake. I'll post about whatever or whenever I damn well please.

Anyway, back to "reality" television.

This one is on E!, home of The Anna Nicole Show and the slowest news crawler known to man:

Keeping Up with the Kardashians

Who the Hell are the Kardashians, you ask?

Well, Robert Kardashian was O.J. Simpson's personal attorney. His claim to fame is being the last one to have known contact with the Juice's Louis Vuitton carry on, which eventually came up missing upon returning from Chicago after his ex wife turned up dead.

Kardashian died several years back. So this "reality" show obviously isn't about him.

It's about his ex wife (Kris Jenner), her current husband (Olympic athlete Bruce Jenner), and their children together and with others (a slew-- like five, maybe six), particularly Kim.

So what makes this Kim so friggin' special, you ask???

That was my question. So I looked her up on the web.

According to several web sites (and Wiki), Kim Kardashian is an aspiring model/ actress or something.

Last year a sex tape appeared featuring Kim and her boyfriend (some rapper) and a company attempted to sell it. She sued said company and made a nice chunk of change.

So she's friggin' special in the literal and Biblical sense.


Anyway, she's appearing in Playboy soon.

So much for redemption.

Anyway, now you have an idea about the direction of this train wreck. And it gets worse:

Ole Bruce and Kris have a stripper pole in their bedroom. It was a gift. The younger girls like to play on it, much to their father's dismay.

Frequently, Kris and Bruce (a.k.a. "Botox Gone Way Wrong") are mortified about their young children (about ten) behaving in a semi sexual way. As a cat without children, my suggestion would be to take them out of the overtly sexual environment:

1. Stripper Poles
2. Flowing Alcohol
3. Stepsister in Playboy/ feature player in sex tape/ God knows what else
4. Name calling using the word "whore"

I cannot believe I'm doling out parenting advice. First of all I'm a cat. Second, I despise children for very obvious reasons. Finally, I have a very limited experience with children. What the Hell do I know???

Anyway, I'm exhausted. I'll see you tomorrow. I'm considering bashing Barry Bonds tomorrow.


Reb said...

OMG what some people will do for a little publicity!

Karen may be correct about you watching too much telly though, especially if you actually sat through what you just described. Maybe we need to do an intervention?

the Bag Lady said...

Yet another reason not to watch the idiot box. Why oh why can't they come up with some decent, interesting programs for intelligent older people? The Bag Lady refuses to watch most network television, and is starting to get just a little annoyed with the channels that used to air programs aimed at discerning viewers. Doesn't A & E stand for Arts and Entertainment? Isn't that the same channel that airs Dog the Bounty Hunter? (the Bag Lady could be confused about that, though) The Bag Lady fails to see the Artistic value of Dog the Bounty Hunter, and does not find it Entertaining in the least (for the 30 seconds she actually watched it) And the program about Tattoo Parlours. Excuse me, but who gives a rat's ass? Doesn't anyone have any class anymore? The Bag Lady may be confusing channels here, but it seems as though they are all the same now. Programs about building faster motorcycles. Big F***ing Deal. That's about as exciting as watching golf, or fishing. (although fishing might appeal to Penelope...)
Okay, sorry, the Bag Lady is fasting, and it's making her cranky. She's going to stop now.

Penelope said...

Karen has no room to talk. She watches Footballer's Wives on BBC America.

Bag Lady--
I know what you mean about A&E. I expected them to set the bar a little higher than Dog the Bounty Hunter and that Gene Simmons reality show.

Anyway, it appears that Dog is gone, though. The National Enquirer published audio on their website of Dog using racial slurs.


-- P

the Bag Lady said...

OMG, Dog used racial slurs!! That's so hard to believe...
See how out of touch the Bag Lady is? She didn't even know that show was gone. One wonders what they could possibly find to replace that gem! And totally didn't realize the Gene Simmons show was on A&E. She actually watched almost 5 minutes of that one once, mostly because she was trying to figure out what the point was. (Apparently, there doesn't need to be a point to television anymore.)
Wow, this fasting really clears your head...probably right before you pass out from hunger.

Penelope said...

Bag Lady--

Don't feel too bad. Dog the Bounty Hunter has only been gone a matter of days. What can I say, it a mullet thing.

-- P