I Would Like to Thank the Academy

Jessica, a.k.a. "the SUV Driving Bitch Your Mother Warned You About", has bestowed upon my fabulous self my first honor as a feline blogger.

For this occasion, I have written an acceptance speech. Actually, I didn't "write" the speech; Tom Hanks, or someone who worked for Tom Hanks, wrote this in 1995 when he won the Oscar for Best Actor in Forest Gump. I'm just making it fit my purposes.:

Thank you. I'm standing here in lieu of my fellow nominees who are just as deserving, if not more so of this moment.

Hold on. This is totally inaccurate. No one is more deserving of this award. I am Penelope, the all knowing and fabulous cat. What's amazing to me is that no one has seen it fit to award me with anything before now.

I'm standing here because of an army of people who over the course of a back-breaking schedule worked much harder than I did and who had much more at risk if our efforts were not successful. This is to be expected though. As we all know I am a cat and as a species we simply aren't that prone to menial tasks.

I'm empowered to stand here thanks to the ensemble of bloggers, men and women, who I shared the vast cyber universe with and who in ways they will never understand made me a better blogger. We share, we read, we comment, we love.

And I am standing here because the woman I share my life with has taught me and demonstrates for me every day just what love is. [I roll my eyes as Karen attempts to kick me off the couch so she can use the computer.]

Man, I feel as though I'm standing on magic legs in a special effects process shot that is too unbelievable to imagine and far too costly to make a reality. But that might be the excess of kitty treats I ate this afternoon . . .

But here is my mark, and there is where I'm supposed to type, and believe me, the power and the pleasure and the emotion of this moment is as constant as the speed of light. It will never be diminished, nor will my appreciation.

And the meaning between two simple words that I can only offer you here: Thank you, God bless you in this room and God bless you all around the world.

Anyway, now I'm supposed to share this award with five other of my fellow bloggers and give three writing tips. In due time I will complete this task. But not right now. I am a cat after all and all of this plagiarizing has made me very tired, so I'm off for a nap.