Queen of the Harpies

I'm cleaning out my files of unpublished work. This one was written last month. I have no idea why I didn't publish it at the time. Enjoy!

"The things she has said over the years, not just about John but about other candidates, lowers the political dialogue at precisely the time we need to raise it."
-- Elizabeth Edwards regarding Ann Coulter

Lord have mercy, it's going to be a long fifteen months.

So let me get this straight: Elizabeth Edwards is whining about Ann Coulter, queen of the harpies, insulting her husband?

In life there are few absolutes. One of them is that all Democrats are to be insulted by Ann Coulter and Rush Limbaugh. Conversly, Republicans are to be insulted by Bill Mahr, Jon Stewart, and Jay Leno.

Furthermore, everyone shall be criticized by me, Penelope the cat.

If you can't handle the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

Has it occurred to anyone in D.C. that the best way to handle a harpie is to IGNORE said harpie? It's like the philosophical question: if a tree falls and no one is around, does it make a noise?

What purpose does it serve to go after ole Ann? Does Mrs. Edwards expect Coulter to hear her comments and in an moment of clarity repent from her evil ways?

And then Mrs. Edwards and Ms. Coulter go shoe shopping arm in arm?

Not bloody likely my friends.

Yes, I think the level of "political dialogue" in this country needs to be change. But whining about the blonde bully isn't raising "political dialogue". I don't think anyone argues that Ann Coulter isn't nasty. But she's not the only one, and Americans are very accepting of this genre of irony (I'm giving Coulter the benefit of the doubt-- mostly I see her as mean spirited).

Whatever.

I'm about ready for elimination time. The shenanigans of this little group of backbiting ladder- climbers we're calling "presidential candidates" is getting old. Fix our little self inflicted problem in the middle east, end terrorism, improve our medical care, make REAL improvements to the education system (as opposed to No Child Left Behind) and take care of children in poverty. Stop worrying about who is sleeping with whom and discriminating against people who make lifestyle choices in which some Americans don't approve.

MEMEMEMEMEMEMEME

I got memed by my good friend Jim Stewart (http://jimnstewart.blogspot.com/)

Poor Jim. What he doesn't know is I'm wretched at this meme stuff. I don't have any capacity for rules and I change them to fit my needs. Although this meme isn't complicated, probably I'll mess it up somehow. . .

My cyberland buddies: If you are reading this, assumed you are tagged. I am too busy right now with my daily grooming regiment to come up with names (See, I told you I'd change the rules).

-- Start Copy--

It's very simple.

When this is passed on to you, copy the whole thing, skim the list and put a * star beside those that you like. (Check out especially the * starred ones.)

Add the next number (1. 2. 3. 4. 5., etc.) and write your own blogging tip for other bloggers. Try to make your tip general.

After that, tag 10 other people. Link love some friends!

Just think- if 10 people start this, the 10 people pass it onto another 10 people, you have 100 links already!

1. Look, read, and learn. ******-http://www.neonscent.com

2. Be, EXCELLENT to each other. ******-http://www.bushmackel.com

3. Don't let money change ya! ****-http://www.therandomforest.info

4. Always reply to your comments. ****-http://chattiekat.com

5. Link liberally -- it keeps you and your friends afloat in the Sea of Technorati. *****-http://chipsquips.com

6. Don't give up - persistance is fertile. ****-http://www.velcro-city.co.uk

7. Give link credit where credit is due.***-http://www.sfsignal.com

8. What the world needs is content. Provide it. **-http://feedback.matthewjarpe.com

9. If it's past midnight, go to bed-http://www.jimboweb.com*

10. Give shout outs and lots of credit!!!-- http://www.penelopeandsadie.blogspot.com

His pulsating appendage moved towards me, like one of those rubber knives . . .

If you haven't figured it out by the header, this is an 'R' rated entry. If you are a minor you should GO, right now, say a few hail Marys, and do your summer reading for school IMMEDIATELY.

If you are offended by discussions regarding writing about sex, then you should go RIGHT NOW as well. Then turn off your television while you're at it.

My plan was to use this as a side bar, but as I wrote it got a little long, so now we've got an actual entry. ENJOY!!!

I read the funniest blog entry about writing sex scenes in novels. It was so funny I couldn't help but pass it on:

http://the-working-writer.blogspot.com/2007/07/sex-scenes.html

The author of the blog, Jenn Holling, referenced an LA Times article (amongst other things), which talked about the 14th century book The Decameron. The Decameron, written in the anecdotal style of the Catebury Tales, is a collection of tales of a naughty nature.If you like tales of a naughtly nature, I would definetely recommend this book. It's totally great.

http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/commentary/la-op-smiley18feb18,0,1645686.story?coll=la-news-comment-opinions

Furthermore, did you know about the Literary Review Bad Sex Award? Evidently, the Literary Review nominates authors for this dubious honor. Previous nominees include such literary greats as Tom Wolfe, Salman Rushdie, and John Updike.The entries are totally great and make hysterical readings. Most of the authors are pretty good sports about it. Wolfe did get a little snooty and pointed out that the judges failed to notice he was being ironic through that passage (bad sex, bad writing).

I do agree with Mr. Wolfe (although I am Charlotte Simmons is not my favorite book) and I got the irony when I read it. But Wolfe can do better. I've seen him do better.

So stop whining Mr. Wolfe. We know you are fabulous.

Anyway, when the Bad Sex Nominees for 2007 are announced I am totally publishing the names and the passages. This is just too awesome. . .

Bong Hits 4 Jesus

Do you remember a while back when I wrote about exactly what is wrong with America? Well, I came up with another:

The "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" Case.

If you want the specifics on American tax money at work, here's a link with boo coos of attachments and details on the case:

http://blogs.salon.com/0002762/stories/2007/01/28/bongHits4JesusSupremeCourt.html

Otherwise, let me give you the Reader's Digest lowdown:

In 2002 a high school kid displayed a 14-foot-long banner on a public street (not on school property) which said "Bong Hits 4 Jesus". This might not have been that big of a deal, but it occurred as the Olympic torch relay was passing through the city of Juneau.

Whoops.

When asked, the kid wouldn't take the sign down. Since he was technically at a school sponsored event, this was considered not good and said kid was suspended for ten days.

Anyway, somehow or another this has become a freedom of speech issue.

What speech are we defending?

"Bong Hits 4 Jesus"???

So now I'm expected to defend stupid speech, as well as, say, my blog?

Not gonna happen bucko.

This isn't Tinker vs. Des Moines, the case of students wearing black arm bands to protest the Vietnam War. This is some smart ass kid deciding to show up his principal on local television.
I'm willing to give high school kids some leeway in speech freedoms to discuss important issues. I cannot even think "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" is an important issue.

Furthermore, I can't classify "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" as particularly harmful, either.

I seriously doubt the sign inspired anyone to partake in illegal drugs who wasn't already considering partaking.

Bottom line: everyone is stupid. And now, you, the taxpayers, just spent a nice chunk of change having legal experts determine something a cat could have told your for free in a matter of minutes.

Not my problem-- I don't pay taxes as I don't have a JOB or BUY anything, as I don't have pockets.

I don't know what else to say about this one other than I resent the time given to such ridiculousness. This is the supreme court, for crying out loud. Freakin' Kenneth "it's really important that the leader of the free world not have a thing for skanks" Starr represented the Juneau school board.

Whatever

Anyway, I'm irritated now. I'm taking a nap.

By the way, there are now 3,646 American casualties in Iraq.

"I can't get into trouble. I'm a celebrity."

Everybody is talking about ole Lindsay Lohan.

Let me give you the reader's digest version of this train wreck from the point of view of some dudes in attendance at one of her parties in Malibu:

These three guys were at a party with Lohan. At some point during the evening Lohan, her assistant, and her assistant's boyfriend got into an allegedly drunken squabble. During this disagreement, the assistant quits. Lohan was not happy.

I totally understand how Lohan feels. Good help is impossible to find. Mediocre help is available, though. The best way to keep them is to scream at them and demean said help into staying. That's how I keep Sadie around.

Anyway, the assistant and her boyfriend leave the party separately. The boyfriend gets into a car with his three friends. His girlfriend pulls him out and they continue their fight. Eventually, the assistant drives away. In the meanwhile, Lohan grabs the keys out of the car (which belonged to one of the boyfriend's friends), gets in, and peels out, running over a dude's foot in the process.

This dude is not happy.

Remember this is all "alleged". I did not try to consult Lohan on any of this.

I figured she was too busy.

In the meanwhile, Lohan had two unwilling passengers with her as she drives through town. According to them they are begging her to stop and let them out. They said she was driving speeds upwards of 100 mph.

Through Malibu

Evidently, Lohan was chasing the assistant. The assistant lost Lohan, so Lohan drove to the assistant's mother's house, who was leaving home or going home (depends who you ask). This woman drove immediately to the police station when she realized an erratic driver was chasing her.

Reasonable.

Anyway, one thing lead to another and Lohan was arrested for several things. She bonded herself out at $25,000.

Wow.

I asked Karen about this. She said she would stop recognizing the existence of California as a state if they didn't get control of their court system and its celebrities.

Whatever. All this reporting had made me tired. It's time for my early morning nap.

T.S. Eliot and Polygamy all Wrapped Up Into One

During my reading I ran across the poem The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T.S. Eliot. Karen and I were discussing this piece today and according to her it's fairly well known. She said it's frequently taught in high school American literature classes and the sixteen- year- olds hate it mainly because they don't get it, as the poem is about the loss of youth, which they haven't experienced yet.

Anyway, that's not the point. Karen was playing the Sting's Brand New Day CD and I noticed a track called Ghost Story. I've heard this song before; Karen plays this CD often so I know most of these songs, but today I had an epiphany:

This song is The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufock.

Granted, it doesn't have the allusions, (Poor Sting-- he had people running all over town trying to figure out exactly what "that famous book by Nabokov" was in the 1980s-- stupid pop culture illiterates.) but thematically it's the friggin' same thing: loss of time, "winter" of life, regret, etc.

I mentioned it to Karen and she was quite impressed with my comparison. She even got me a copy of The Wasteland. I'm working on it as we speak.

Other exciting news:

Karen really likes that HBO series Big Love. She caught the first episode on a free HBO weekend last year. Due to the fact that Karen is so cheap, she persuaded one of her friends to record it and she watched the entire first season one day behind last year.

Anyway, evidently Big Love started again a few weeks ago, unbeknownst to Karen. On a whim she called the cable company and discovered that HBO is only an extra ten bucks a month. Within minutes we have HBO.

She says she's canceling when Big Love is over.

We'll see if Karen remembers . . .

Anyway, we're in the middle of watching Little Miss Sunshine. Great movie, you should see it.

Solicitors and Metallica

I received a comment in Spanish asking me to post a link to a site selling t-shirts. That is, I think that's what the comment was requesting-- since I don't speak fluent Spanish and had to rely on context clues, I really don't know this for sure. This is the first comment I have not posted.

I decided I should develop some guidelines for links/ comments I will publish. Here are the rules according to me, Penelope the Cat, about posting:
1. All postings must be in English. It's nothing personal. I exclusively speak English, and I don't want to post anything strange unless I understand what strange thing I am indeed posting.

2. By posting links for products, it is my belief I would be endorsing said product. Since I expect you to take my endorsements seriously, I only endorse things I know about. For instance, I would definitely endorse Robyn's Poncho, for it's soft feel and bright pink color. I would never endorse the ear drops I have to take once a week to keep my ears "clean". (Stupid Karen)

3. One of the beautiful concepts of a blog is the lack of guidelines. Thus, I don't have to publish anything I so choose not to publish. Beautiful, isn't it? Basically, that's my philosophy: I will publish what I damn well want to publish.
Disagree with this premise?
Too bad so sad-- Sadie is in charge of complaints and concerns. She's illiterate-- good luck getting a response from her!
What about freedom of speech, you ask? Well my friends, I'm a cat. I have no voting rights (bastard Americans-- so superior). Therefore why should I follow your societal rules? If you want friggin' freedom of speech my suggestion would be for you to get your own friggin' blog.

Anyway, I read this a couple of days ago and had a laugh:
http://news.aol.com/entertainment/music/story/_a/hetfield-held-up-for-taliban-beard/20070709082409990001

I saw the picture of Hetfield with the beard. My first observation was the gray.

The mighty have aged.

Furthermore, he reminded me more of Ashley Wilks or Charles Hamilton in Gone with the Wind than of a Taliban member. I guess the Taliban could be recruiting whomever, but middle aged white dude heavy metal hero?

Who's next?

Ozzy Osborne? Axl Rose? Sebastian Bach?

What about Eddie Vedder? Morrissey doesn't work much anymore.

I don't know . . . It happens. Say what you will about "profiling", but I would like to know why Hetfield was detained as a "risk".

What are the factors?

A beard???

This is a little ridiculous. To their credit, the airport officials quickly released the dude when they realized the mistake. So no, Hetfield is not on his way to Guantanamo for torture and testing. All is good. And this silliness didn't even happen in Texas.

Go 'Stros

"If we put our boobs together we can think better."

Television in American has hit a new low Sunday evenings, brought to us by VH1:

Rock of Love

A bunch of gals compete for the love of one Bret Michaels, lead singer of the 80s hairband Poison. He doesn't have a steady chick, evidently.

He blames rock n' roll.

"Basically . . . rock n roll is an insatiable bitch goddess, but I love her. And I'm just looking for that one woman in my life to participate in that threesome."

Wow, he sounds great.

I told Karen about this and asked if she wanted to compete for the love of Bret Michaels. She declined.

The gals are totally great: they range in age from what looks like 21 to about 36ish-- IQs seem to mirror age, if you know what I mean:

My favorite line: "If we put our boobs together we can think better."

The gals have great credits to their resumes as well:

"I was named Miss Hooters of Illinois and I have the tools to get what I want because of that."

I was wondering: what does one have to do to become Miss Hooters Illinois? Is there a talent competition?

Whatever. This train wreck airs on Sunday nights 9 p.m. eastern standard time.

And if you are still desperate for "reality" television:

Scott Baio is 45 . . . and Single

Basically, the title says it all. Ole Scott wants to know what is keeping him from getting married.

The reference to women he doesn't know as "tail", perhaps?

Whatever

Anyway, Scott call his former gal pals and asks them what he did wrong in the relationship.

It comes down to one basic fact: he's an asshole.

I wish there was a nicer way to say it, but it's pretty simple. And I'm sorry all for all of those Happy Days fans who thought Chachi (sp???) was just the greatest thing since sliced bread, well, there it is. Get over it.

This winner airs Sundays at 10:30 eastern standard time as well.

Enjoy.

I think one will lose about four IQ points per minute when watching these.

I love America.

Land of the free.

Home of B and C list celebrities, their ladies, and the television networks who are too cheap to hire writers to create original programming.

Family Values

David Vitter, the Republican Senator and Southern Regional Chair for Rudy Giuliani's presidential campaign, found his name on the D.C. Madam's client list.

This is the guy who is supposed to bring the "family values" vote in the south to Giuliani.

Wait a second. I've been distracted by a petty detail.

Since when is Giuliani a "family values" candidate?

I don't even know where to start. He's Rudy Giuliani.


I'm not advocating ole Rudy would make a bad president. I'm just saying if I felt particularly passionate about family values, in the any sense of the phrase, Giuliani just ain't my poster boy.


But that's besides the point . . .


Is this whole David Vitter, I'm requesting services by a professional on a TRACEABLE phone, thing going to become an issue?


The dude's from Louisiana. Informed Louisianans totally know about the good senator's love for the ladies of the night: his name was associated with the Canal Street Madam in 2002. He even dropped out of the gubernatorial race before an article detailing this appeared in some Louisiana publication.

And yes, he is still their elected representative.

Louisiana is a unique place.

I blame the French.

It doesn't matter. If the Louisianians are happy with David "House of the Rising Sun" Vitter, then who am I to judge?


He's not my representative.

It's not like other states, say Massachusetts, don't have goofball senators, reelecting them over and over and over again.

My only issue is this is a "family values" candidate. I'm not exactly sure how the professional ladies fit into "family values".


Something to think about . . .

So as the names are leaked this summer, maybe we should consider what effect any of this has on our lives.

Me, personally: none. Vitter doesn't live in my house. He isn't my "hard dog to keep on the porch".

Now I'm tired from all this philosophical thinking. I'm going to take a nap.

By the way, as of right now, there have been 3,609 American casualties in Iraq since the invasion in 2003.

Solicitors and Metallica

I received a comment in Spanish asking me to post a link to a site selling t-shirts. That is, I think that's what the comment was requesting-- since I don't speak fluent Spanish and had to rely on context clues, I really don't know this for sure. This is the first comment I have not posted.

I decided I should develop some guidelines for links/ comments I will publish. Here are the rules according to me, Penelope the Cat, about posting:
1. All postings must be in English. It's nothing personal. I exclusively speak English, and I don't want to post anything strange unless I understand what strange thing I am indeed posting.

2. By posting links for products, it is my belief I would be endorsing said product. Since I expect you to take my endorsements seriously, I only endorse things I know about. For instance, I would definitely endorse Robyn's Poncho, for it's soft feel and bright pink color. I would never endorse the ear drops I have to take once a week to keep my ears "clean". (Stupid Karen)

3. One of the beautiful concepts of a blog is the lack of guidelines. Thus, I don't have to publish anything I so choose not to publish. Beautiful, isn't it? Basically, that's my philosophy: I will publish what I damn well want to publish. Disagree with this premise? Too bad so sad-- Sadie is in charge of complaints and concerns. She's illiterate-- good luck getting a response from her!

What about freedom of speech, you ask? Well my friends, I'm a cat. I have no voting rights (bastards Americans-- so superior). Therefore why should I follow your societal rules? If you want friggin' freedom of speech my suggestion would be for you to get your own friggin' blog.

Anyway, I read this a couple of days ago and had a laugh:

http://news.aol.com/entertainment/music/story/_a/hetfield-held-up-for-taliban-beard/20070709082409990001

I saw the picture of Hetfield with the beard. My first observation was the gray.

The mighty have aged.

Furthermore, he reminded me more of Ashley Wilks or Charles Hamilton in Gone with the Wind than of a Taliban member. I guess the Taliban could be recruiting whomever, but middle aged white dude heavy metal heroes?

I don't know . . .

It happens. Say what you will about "profiling", but I would like to know why Hetfield was detained as a risk.

What are the factors?

A beard???

This is a little ridiculous.

To their credit, the airport officials quickly released the dude when they realized the mistake. So no, Hetfield is not on his way to Guantanamo for torture and testing.

All is good. And this ridiculous didn't even happen in Texas.

Go 'Stros

"Leave the gun, take the canolli"

Karen had the day off and decided to be a couch potato, in my space on the couch, watching what she wants to watch on TV, not really taking into consideration my needs.

Occasionally, we have Karen's Film Festival. These are some typical selections. See if you can discover a theme.

Pride and Prejudice (1995 version, of course)
I shouldn't have to tell you once again that Karen is a dork. Typically if she has some time on her hands, we spend six hours watching this film. She just loves Colin Firth.

Jumping into the pond

Over and over and over again

Then it becomes Colin Firth day:
Bridget Jones' Diary (both)
Karen and her friends have discussed at length the beauty of the scene when Mark Darcy says to Bridget, "I like you just as you are."

Talk about insecure.

The English Patient
Just parts-- Karen gets bored-- not enough Firth

What a Girl Wants
Karen makes us all sit and watch the last scene where Firth tracks down his estranged daughter and really hot and also estranged wife in America, so that he can give Amanda Bynes the father/ daughter dance she so deserves.

Awwww . . .

Love Actually (gag AND vomit)
Firth fall in love with a women who does not speak his language. That's real practical. He even hunts her down in her homeland, and takes her back to England.

Sounds a little creepy when you tell it that way. . .

You've Got Mail
Again, she makes us sit quietly and watch the last twenty minutes. Karen just loves the ending when Shopgirl discovers that the man she has decided is her one true love, a man she's never seen before, let alone have a conversation with outside of the world wide web, is the capitalist pig who runs her business into the ground. They meet in Riverside Park and as the capitalist pig approaches her, Shopgirl beams, tears welling in her eyes.

"Don't cry, Shopgirl," the capitalist pig said, handing her a handkerchief.

"I always wanted it to be you," she says to him.

Awww.

It's too bad I don't get hairballs.

Pillow Talk
Feminist fights with playboy. Falls in love with said playboy, who pretends to be someone else entirely in the meanwhile.

Karen loves Rock Hudson almost as much as Colin Firth.

Down with Love
Same as Pillow Talk. Replace Rock Hudson with Ewan McGregor and include a couple of not- so- subtle phallic jokes.

I'm just a little loved out. I'm taking a nap.

Go 'Stros

Made in the U.S.A.

Saw an interesting article this morning:

http://news.aol.com/story/_a/laws-require-flags-to-be-born-in-the-usa/20070704084809990001

Questions:

What's more American than outsourcing?

Would you like a job making flags for five bucks an hour? I wouldn't, but everyone knows my stance on work.

Due to complicated aspects which I have very little interest, this is not a national issue.

It's a state issue.

That's all we need. Another amendment to add to the 400 plus others on the Texas constitution.

I have an idea for an amendment: how about an amendment outlawing all other amendments?

Something to think about . . .

Enjoy the 4th. Remember: "baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, and Chevrolet".

What's a "rally monkey" anyway?

Go 'Stros

Potty Mouth or Conspiracy-- You Decide (A Narrative in Three Parts)

It all started on a quiet Saturday afternoon.

I was doing a little reading on McCrabby's blog and discovered a posting for a web site which rates blogs, using the MPAA terminology. For kicks and giggles, I had my blog rated. Much to my surprise, I received an "R".

What R- rated topics have we discussed thus far?

Me?

The likelihood of Karen stalking George Clooney?

Sadie's stupidity?

Ecology?

The first dog?

Paris Hilton (and not her video)?

TV?

Mitt Romney's ridiculously eternal optimism?

The English language?

Fashion?

Hurricanes?

Star Wars?

Fireworks and the rednecks who love them?

Willie Nelson's recreational pharmaceuticals and John Ashcroft?

Am I missing something?

Potty Mouth or Conspiracy-- You Decide (Part Two)

For the sake of my own perception of justice, I did some research. Most of the blogs I read are rated PG or PG-13. So I went the opposite direction.

After a little surfing I found me a blog (hosted by blogger) some might consider objectionable. I'm not posting the link, but I will tell you there's a guy named Bob out in cyber land who is really into boobs. In fact he's so into boobs that all he posts on his site are images of boobs in all shapes and sizes.

No words.

Just boobs. (What a boob.)

Perhaps I'm too harsh. Maybe we should call this site "art"?

Nope, it's just boobs.

Anyway, Bob's site was rated PG-13 (for the word "boob"). Every image on this site possesses some form of nudity, particularly boobs.

I'm the 'R'???

Anyway, I posted last night and ran the rating system again to see if my rating changed.

It did.

I'm now 'NC-17', due to the usage of the word "crap" (eight times), "kill" (six times), "ass" (four times), "torture" (three times), "skank" (twice), and "dick" (once)

"Dick"?

That's what I said. "Dick" is not a term I use. I just don't say "dick". I thought about this for a while and realized what happened:

I've said "dick" alright.

(Suspense is building-- is it not? see the next post to discover when I, Penelope the Cat, said "Dick")

Potty Mouth or Conspiracy: You Decide (the Finale)

"Dick Cheney"

Guys, I couldn't make this up.

Irony cannot be created. It just happens under beautiful scenarios.

So basically I think I've been taken out of context. I blame George Bush.

Why not?

If you'd like to rate your blog, here's the link. Let me know your rating: http://mingle2.com/blog-rating

Redneck Hell and the Skanks Who Live Here

There are two times of the year which I detest:

The days between Christmas and the new year and the week before the 4th of July.

Why, do you ask would I detest what normally is such a festive time of year?

We live in redneck Hell.

Let me explain . . .

The back fence and the driveway of our home serve as the city limits. Our house is actually in "no man's land", which is great for taxes, but bad for certain concepts of civility, such as not shooting off fireworks 24/7.

The rule is those not living within the technical definition of the city are perfectly welcomed to shoot off whatever explosive devices they choose. Being that we are essentially part of the city line, we also get temporary new neighbors: the firework stands.

It's great. Girls dressed in American flag bikinis waving giant signs advertising explosives standing on the street for all to enjoy.

Brought to you by the same people who think Texas vs. Johnson is an abomination.

Brought to you by people who've never heard of Texas vs. Johnson.

Karen is so moved by such displays of patriotism, she want to cry.

Actually, Karen does want to cry. She's totally paranoid about a drunken redneck setting the roof on fire. Thankfully, it's been pretty wet on the gulf coast lately.

What is it about beer and fireworks? Do these things go hand in hand universally, or is just in redneck Hell? Personally, I would worry about losing a paw or worse if I were playing with explosives after downing a few.

You would think I live in Baghdad or Kabul with all this racket. Sadie and I hid under the bed for about two hours today because we were so scared.

Actually, that's not totally true. Sadie was scared. I was taking a nap. But the damn explosions outside our house woke me several times.

That I don't appreciate.

Karen isn't known for her tolerance about this. She doesn't like her sleep disturbed by such behavior, either. I've seen her on the phone with the sheriff's department in the wee hours of the night ranting about "disturbing the peace".

They've got to think she's crazy.

Anyway, since I didn't get my normal sixteen hours of sleep today, I'm pooped.

God bless America.

Go 'Stros.